Well, Scrub My Face With A Brillo Pad!
by Kinkajouu
Summary: A mad diary, a mad holiday, mad boyfriends, even madder friends, and completely insane Stalag 14? It could only be Georgia Nicolson's diary for when she gets into 6th form!
1. This Is Not A Chapter

This Is Not A Chapter

Sorry, I thought I'd make my point there. This 'page' is to get a few things over and done with, and some things that need to be explained and so on.

Firstly, I'd like to thank you in taking interest in this fanfiction. The title, 'Well, Scrub My Face With A Brillo Pad!' belongs to me and my co-worker Rich (he isn't helping me write the story, but he did mis-hear something I said at work one night, and that's how the title of this story came about).

You probably don't want to know how it came about, but basically I read the front of a magazine out to Rich, and one of the stories said "why I scrubbed my face with a Brillo Pad", but like I said, he misheard it.

If you don't know what a Brillo Pad is, then you are very silly. And I mean that in the most loving way. A Brillo Pad is like a scouring pad. You use it to clean things.

Also, the people who have read my other fanfic, 'Confessions Of A Blader' will recognise this as one of the chapter titles. I probably won't ever use it anywhere else again, though.

So, disclaimer time. I do not, and will not ever own the Georgia Nicolson books, or anything else by Louise Rennison. The Snogging Scales below also belong to Louise, and will never belong to me. I'm only writing this for your entertainment, and probably couldn't earn money from it even if I tried.

The Snogging Scale

½) Sticky eyes

1) Holding hands

2) Arm around

3) Goodnight kiss

4) Kiss lasting over 3 minutes without a break

4 ½) Hand snogging (you need to ask Jas about this one)

5) Open mouth kissing

6) Tongues

6 ½) Ear snogging

6 ¾) Neck nuzzling

7) Upper body fondling - outdoors

8) Upper body fondling - indoors

Virtual Number 8) When your upper body is not being fondled in reality, but you know that it is inside your snoggees head

9) Below waist activity, or B.W.A. (this can apparently include flashing your knickers - ask Jools)

10) The full monty

I thought I put this here, so that you guys can refer to it if you've forgotten what's what, or if you're new to the world of Georgia Nicolson and haven't yet learned and remembered it off by heart. Like me.

Or, if you want it in German…

Full-Frontal Knutschen Scale

1) Handchen halten

2) Arm umlegen

3) Abscheidkuss

4) Kuss, der uben drei minuten

5) Kuss mit geoffneten lippen

6) Zungenkuss

7) Oberkorperknutschen - im freien (outside)

8) Oberkorperknutschen - drinnen (inside)

9) Rummachen unterhalb der taille

10) AUF GANZE GEHEN!!

The German Snogging Scale also belongs to Louise Rennison.

I'm pretty sure that these sort of 'pages' aren't allowed, but I'm also sure that you guys don't mind. And anyway, where else would I put all this stuff?! There might only be 6 proper chapters to this fanfic, but they may well be very long chapters!!

Anyway, onwards and upwards with the story, and I'm very sorry for wasting your time here.


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**I Sense A Lack Of Sleep And Fringeyness Coming My Way…**

Saturday August 9th

10.01 am

It is the Summer holidays, and I am as lonely as a clud. No one is in the house except for me. And Angus. And Gordy. And Naomi. But they don't really count as company, because they are too busy botty-grooming each other. Which I think is quite disgusting. And incestuous.

I may phone my chums to see where they are this fine day. It really is fine, too. Nice and sunny and warm. Not rainy and _merde_ like it was last week.

Phoned Jas.

"Hello?"

"Jas?"

"No. I'm not here."

"Oh, ha ha, my little pal. Very funny."

"I thought so."

"Well, you would. You have the brain of an oversized mole."

"Georgia, that is not a very nice thing to say."

"It is. I'm saying that you have a bigger brain than a normal sized mole. Hahaha."

"Did you want something?"

"Yes, a new nose would be fab, thanks. But for I'll settle with wanting to know if you want to meet up with the gang and go and sunbathe."

"No, I can't Georgia. Me and Tom are going out to the woods."

"To go to a teddy bear's picnic?"

"Oh, don't be silly, Georgia. Now, if that's all, I have to go and get ready. Goodbye."

She just put the phone down on me! That's it, I will be _ignorez-vous_ing her with a firm hand. And foot.

5 minutes later

Phoned Rosie.

"Ro-Ro?"

"_Oui_."

"What are you doing?"

"Currently, I am balancing on one foot, whilst singing the national anthem in my head."

"Oh. So you're not doing much, then?"

"_Non_."

"Well, how about this. We round up the gang, minus Jas, and go down the park to sunbathe?"

"Sounds like a plan. Can we use lassos?"

"If you want. You can even wear your beard. Meet me by the loos near school in 15 minutes."

"Err, school. Do we have to meet there?"

"Do you want to wear your beard or not?"

"Loos by the school it is."

Result.

10.25 am

Huff huff, pant pant. I'm a little late to meet Rosie, as the cats decided to ambush me as I was leaving. I had to bash Angus and Gordy off my legs with the broom, and then I ran for it.

"You're late."

I looked up to see a beard-wearing Rosie.

"Do you really have to wear that thing in public?"

"You said I could wear it."

"Yes, but now we're going to be walking around finding the rest of the gang."

"Yeah, and? It's not like they haven't seen my beard before."

I cannot win with her. She is impossible. Anyway, to save myself from the madness of any more beard-talk, I motioned for Rosie to follow me, and we ambled off to find the rest of the Ace Gang (except Jas). Rosie whipped her mobile phone and pipe out.

"Why have you brought your pipe?"

"Where the beard goes, the pipe goes."

"Why have you whipped out your phone?"

"Because, as you know, Ellen lives on the other side of town, and heaving this luggage around with us would knacker us out if we were to heave it across to Ellen's house. So I am phoning her to meet us at the park."

"What luggage?"

"You're full of questions today, aren't you Miss Inquisitorial?"

"Do you even know what 'inquisitorial' means?"

Rosie just gave me her cross-eyed look as a response to that.

"Our luggage is our nunga-nungas. You have to admit, Gee, that yours are not small."

"Yes, yes, I have been told that many times, and I still blame my mother."

End of conversation. We soon arrived at Mabs' house, as she doesn't live that far from the school, unfortunately for her. Rosie knocked on the door, and put her pipe in her mouth. She is quite sensationally mad. Mabs' Mum answered the door.

"Oh, hi, Georgia, and, erm… Rosie. Do I even want to ask why you have a pipe and are wearing a beard?"

"I am displaying hidden masculinity. Is Mabs home?" Rosie replied.

"She, erm, is. Come in. She's in her room," Mabs' Mum said, and let us in.

If she'd dithered anymore, Ellen would've had competition for Dithering Queen. We had a race up the stairs (me and Rosie, not me and Mabs' Mum), and burst into Mabs' room. She was sat there on her bed, looking at us as though we were aliens.

"Mabs, darling! How are you this fine morrow?" Rosie asked, sucking on her pipe.

"Er, fine, thank you. What are you two doing here?" Mabs said.

"Well, I had an idea to round up the Ace Gang, and we'll all go down to the park and sunbathe," I smiled my most attractive smile.

"Damn, that reminds me, I forgot my lassos," Rosie said.

"Please tell me you don't actually have lassos," I said.

"Of course I do. Me and Sven use them to-"

"Stop right there! We don't want to know!" I interrupted. Rosie pouted and sat on the bed next to Mabs.

"May I enquire as to what you were doing before we barged in?" Rosie asked her.

"Not a lot. Just reading a magazine," Mabs replied. "But, I could've been doing something really important, like snogging, and you just burst in!"

"Yes, well, you weren't were you? Now, get your shoes on. You're coming with us to Jools' house," Rosie said, putting her pipe back in her mouth.

One pair of shoes, one mad quick conversation between Rosie and Mabs' Mum about the quality of Rosie's beard and one phone call to Ellen later (Rosie had somehow forgotten to do it when she actually got her mobile out), and we were running along to Jools' house.

One minute later

We had to stop the running. Our nungas were getting out of control, and none of us were wearing our super-secure over-the-shoulder-boulder-holders, as none of us had planned to meet up and go running.

10 minutes later

Arrived at Jools' house. Luckily it was her who answered the door, and she was already wearing shoes. She barely had time to raise her eyebrows at Rosie's beard before she was pulled out of her house, shouting to her parents that she was going out against her own will.

5 minutes later

Walking to the park. We've all given up on the idea of running.

"So, are we meeting Jas?" Mabs asked.

"No, she said she was going to the woods with Tom, but not for a teddy-bear's picnic, and then she put the phone down on me," I replied.

"She'd rather go to the woods than come sunbathing with us?" Jools asked, eyebrows raised again.

"Well, that's what Jas is like. She'd choose cuckoo spit over us," I said.

"But she's still your bestest pal, Gee," Mabs said.

"You're all my bestest pals. Jas is just a bestest pal who would rather look at cuckoo spit than spend time with me."

"Right you may be, but park we have arrived at," Rosie said.

"Right you are Yoda, and look, there's Ellen coming towards us," Jools said.

2 minutes later

Ahhh, there's nothing like a nice sunbathing session in the park with your bestest pals, one of whom is wearing a beard.

Well, there would be nothing like it, if we could sunbathe in peace. But nooooo. The boys have arrived and have announced to us that they're having a game of uneven footie, and that we must flash our nungas at them whenever a goal is scored. Rosie gave them the finger.

11.00 am

We're watching the boys play their footie game. No breasty business has been revealed, and nor shall it be revealed. The lads are all getting confused because they all just seem to be scoring goals wherever they can. I don't think they've divided themselves into teams. Then again, as it's Dave, Rollo, Declan, Edward and Sven, it's an uneven number.

Uh-oh, they're walking over to us.

"Oi, girls, we're gonna have a 5-a-side game. Girls versus boys. What do you think?" Dave announced, playing with his ball (oo-er).

"I think that it's a really bad idea," I said.

"Yes, but that's only because you will probably knock everyone out with your nungas, Kittykat. Which is a bit of an unfair advantage," Dave retorted.

I tried having the hump with him, but he put his arm around me and said to the other girls, "come on, we'll go easy on you."

5 minutes later

We are all running around like loons, screaming our heads off. And that's just the boys! Hahaha, no. Mabs and Jools aren't even trying, they're just running in random directions, squealing like pigs. When the ball goes anywhere near Ellen, she just runs off in the opposite direction, and as for Rosie…

… Well, you have to give her top marks to distracting one of the opposition, as she's snogging Sven right in the middle of the pitch. She hasn't even taken her beard off. Needless to say, it looks very odd. But then, Rosie and Sven are a very odd couple.

I think I'm the only one actually trying. Sort of. I'm jogging around, but not too fast, because I don't want to get all hot and sweaty and have a face as red as a tomato. I think we're down by about 24-1. And the only reason we scored was because the ball bounced off Rosie's head.

"Whoa, there! Can't you keep them things under control!" Dave shouted to me, as I sauntered past him, and nearly knocked him over with my nungas.

I looked down. They really were too big. When I get married to Masimo, and we're super rich, I will be having breast reduction surgery.

7.00 pm

Oof. I am quite literally knackered. I don't think I've ever done so much running in my life. Not even in P.E. I try to avoid doing exercise in P.E. if I can. Which quite literally defeats the point of even turning up for the lesson in the first place.

Oh God, I've let my train of thought wander to school. Erlack! Get it out of my brain!

7.15 pm

Phone rang.

"Hello, home for the very mad. Georgia speaking."

"_Ciao_, Miss Georgia."

Oh. My. God. It was Masimo!

"Masimo! How do?"

"Er, OK, I think. You are well?"

"I'm as well as two well things in Well Land."

Masimo laughed.

"Well, the reason I call you… How you say… I go back home to Roma. To see my family."

What?!

"Y-you're going back to Italy?"

"Yes, _cara_. But for only two weeks. It will be good for me to see my Mama and Papa, _si_?"

"Yeah… I guess."

"Miss Georgia, you are OK?"

"I think so… It's just a bit of a shock."

"Yes, it was sudden. But I have not called you only for that."

"Oh, God. There's more?"

"Yes… While I am gone… I think we should have, you know… A break from being boyfriend and girlfriend. I think it would be good for us, _si_?"

I felt like screaming down the phone at him, "no! It damn well won't be good for us!", but I heard myself say, 'OK', and then before I knew it, he'd put the phone down.

I just stood there with the phone still to my ear like an idiot. He had practically dumped me!

Sunday 10th August

9.31 am

I was hoping for a bit of a lie-in this morning after the _merde_ and pooey conversation with Masimo last night. I stayed up crying all night, so now I look as though I've got little piggy eyes again! This isn't the first time, and definitely won't be the last time.

Anyway, the reason I am up at the crack of dawn (ish), is that Mum and Libby have invaded my room, saying that they were going to the zoo, and if I wanted to come. Well, Mum said that, what Libby actually said was, "yes, bad boy, we go to zoo now, and put Angus in cage. Yes. Naaaaaice". I really dread to think what she'll grow up to be.

5 minutes later

The Swiss Family Mad have zoomed off in the clown car, and I am left all on my onesy again.

A minute later

Can't I be depressed in peace? The phone is ringing. I take a slow walk down the stairs, hoping that if I take too long, the person ringing will put the phone down. No such luck, though.

"Hello, recently dumped Georgia here, who is very depressed and now angry that you are disturbing her. How may she help?"

"_Bonsoir_, Georgia!"

Oh, God. It was Rosie. Just what I didn't need.

"Listen, Ro-Ro, I'm really in no mood for madness."

"Did I just hear right? Masimo dumped you?"

"Sort of. He phoned me last night, and said he was going back to Italy for two weeks, and that we should take a break."

"Well, that is pants, my chum, but fear not, for Sven and I have come up with a brilliant plan to cheer everyone and their beards up."

She is quite literally obsessed with beards.

"Oh, God, no. Not another plan from Sven."

"Don't worry, I helped make the plan."

"So it's twice as bad?"

"Oh, ha ha, Georgia. Just be round my house for 11. I'll have snacks."

She rang off, not giving me a chance to politely refuse. Damn.

11.05 am

Well, here we all are (Jas included) crammed into Rosie's bedroom, sat on the floor (and the reason we are crammed is because she invited all the boys round, and Sven's taken over her bed - oo-er), waiting with baited breath for her and Sven to announce their not-so-genius plan.

I swear to God, I will walk out if it's crap.

"So, here we all are… There is just one thing to do before we tell you our genius plan," Rosie said, and she went to reach into one of her drawers (oo-er).

"Rosie, if you are about to get your beard out, just forget the plan, and we'll all leave," Jas said. I'm not the only one who's getting fed up with that bloody beard, apparently.

"But the beard ist good, _ja_," Sven said.

"No, the beard isn't good. It's hairy, mouldy, and at least 10 years old. And probably made with old men's back hair," I said.

Rosie quickly retracted her hand out of the drawer, and in her hand she held a brochure. With caravans on it.

"Please tell me you're not thinking of buying one," Dave said.

"Of course not," Rosie replied. "Sven suggested we all go on holiday. So, we've booked two caravans, down in Cornwall. We go this Saturday coming for a week."

Everyone looked at each other. Well, to be honest, none of us were expecting that.

"You've already booked the caravans, you say?" I ask.

"Yeppers," Rosie replied.

"We leave on Saturday?" Mabs asked.

"_Ja_," Sven replied.

"How many caravans? Georgia's going to need one of all her own, just because her nungas are so big," Dave winked at me. Stop going on about my bloody breasts!

"We booked two. One for girls, one for boys," Rosie replied.

"This is all very well, but how are we going to ask our parents if we can go?" Jas asked. Oh, ruin our fun, fringey.

"You don't ask your parents if you can go," Rosie said, her eyes crossed. "You TELL them you're going!"

"Good plan, _mon amigo_!" Rollo shouted out. Jools giggled like a loon.

"OK, so we're going to Cornwall… Any place in particular?" I ask.

"To Lizard Point. It's supposedly the most southerly place in England. In all of Britain, even. But I'd like to see proof," Rosie said.

"Have you never looked at the maps in the Geography room?" Jas said.

"Oooh, get you with your 'Geography'," Dave laughed.

"Well, here's another question," Tom piped up. I thought he'd been strangely quiet. "How are we getting there?"

Everyone looked at each, except for Rosie, who looked at Sven.

"Well, Sven's going to drive, of course!"

Of course he is, why did we even ask?

"No!" we all shouted at once.

"Listen, Sven, you're an awesome bloke," Dave started saying, because Sven had looked a little hurt when we all shouted 'no', "but do you even have an English license?"

"_Ja_, is green, but is learner," Sven replied, whipping out his provisional license.

"Oh God, he's only got a learner's license," Jas said, holding her face in her hands.

"It's OK, though. The way he drives, you wouldn't think he just has a provisional," Rosie said.

"Would we think he doesn't have a license at all?" Dave said.

I laughed, but Ro-Ro frowned.

"Well, it's either he drives or I drive."

Oh God, no.

"Yeah, Sven can drive. I think we agree on that," Declan said.

So, we are taking a minibus to Cornwall, with Sven at the wheel, where we shall spend an entire week crammed into two caravans. I sense a lack of sleep and a lot of fringeyness (I.e. Jas) coming my way…

* * *

A/N: So there we have it. The very first chapter... I hope you enjoyed it. I had so much more planned for it, but then I realised it was getting a bit long. So chapter 2 is everything else that was going to happen in chapter 1 XD

Don't sue me over the first page, by the way. It's still to do with the story, isn't it?!

Is anyone else looking forward to the first Georgia Nicolson film? They've changed the name, though. It's "Angus, Thongs, and Perfect Snogging". It will ALWAYS be 'Full-Frontal Snogging' to me XD

Anyhoo... Review? :D


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2**

**The Mystery Of The Moustache Drawer…**

Tuesday 12th August

9.35 am

I didn't dare tell my parents I was buggering off to Cornwall after I got back from Rosie's house on Sunday. Mainly because Mutti and Vati were doing a lot of shouting because Libby had dressing Angus, Naomi and Gordy up in some of their best clothes. Of course, the cats being the cats, quickly ate the clothes. Hence the shouting.

So, as Mum has the day off work today (not that she ever does any work - unless that work involves flirting with various blokes), I am about to ask her now.

"Ahhh, Mother…"

"No, you still cannot have your hair dyed blonde, you can't have your belly button pierced, you are not shaving your eyebrows off with your Dad's razor, you are not having nose or breast reduction surgery, and nor are you having £1000 a week to buy a flat. Happy?"

Oh, ha ha.

"Actually, what I was going to say was none of those things. For once. What I was actually going to say was that Rosie has invited me and the Ace Gang to go on holiday with her."

"On holiday where?"

"Cornwall. Lizard Point to be exact. Though, I'm not entirely sure that it's full of Lizards…"

"How would you be getting there?"

"Err," oh, God, I can't tell her that Sven's driving… "Minibus. With a proper driver and everything." Well, that's not stretching the truth too much…

"Hmm, it sounds OK. But who else is going?"

"Well, Rosie, obviously. Me, Jas, Mabs, Jools, Ellen…"

"So just your gang?"

"Yeah… And maybe a couple of the boys. Y'know… Dave, Tom… Etc."

"Where will the boys be staying?"

"Rosie booked two caravans. One for the girls, and one for the boys."

Please, please, please say yes! And give me £100 for spendaroonies.

"I suppose you can go. You are nearly 17, now. And if Jas will be there, then things will be OK…"

"Great! Now that's settled, can I have £100 for spending money?"

"No."

10.00 am

Mutti said that the most I was allowed was £50 for spending money. So, I need to butter her up to let me have some more. Or, tell Vati that Mutti hasn't given me much, like £30 or something, and get an extra £30 off of him. I could last with £80. For about 2 days, anyway.

I will start thinking of plans to get more money of Vati.

5 minutes later

These are my plans:

1) Tell him he's wearing a really attractive tie, and that if he gives me some extra money for Cornwall, I can buy him some more.

2) Tell him I've always loved him the most.

3) Tell him his badger-beard thing doesn't look stupid.

4) Steal his wallet. Hey, if it works for Libby, it'll work for me.

5.15 pm

Father has returned from somewhere he calls 'work'. I have ran down the stairs to greet him.

"Good evening, Father! What an attractive tie you're wearing!"

"Georgia, I'm not wearing a tie."

Ah.

"It's the thought that counts, though, right? You know I've always loved you the most…"

"Alright, what do you want?"

"Well, I'm going on holiday to Cornwall with my besties, and Mum's only given me, like, £30 spending money. So I was wondering if I could have a bit more?"

"You are not going on holiday to Cornwall. Not without a responsible adult."

"We will have responsible adults there!"

"Oh yeah? Who?"

"Erm…"

"Bob," Mum walked into the hallway from the kitchen, "I think we should let her go on holiday with her friends. It'll give her a chance to prove that she's responsible herself. And besides, imagine an entire week without her…"

Oh, thanks, Mother.

"Have you really only given her £30?"

"No, did she say that? I've promised her £50, but that's it."

Oooh, dear… If I just sneak back up the stairs…

"Georgia! Get back down here now!" Dad shouted.

"But £50 isn't a lot, really…" I whined.

"It's enough, isn't it?" Mum said. "We're not made of money, you know."

"Well… Can't I just have an extra £20...?"

"Tell your Granddad you're going on holiday. He might give you some extra money," Mum said in one of those horrible reasoning voices.

"The last time he gave me extra money, it was a 10 pence piece!"

"You can but two small packets of Haribo for 10 pence. They're 5 pence each," Dad laughed.

"I don't want Haribo. I want more spending money!"

"There wasn't a single 'please' in any of her last sentences. Georgia, you won't get any extra money if you don't start using manners. Granddad will be around tomorrow. See if you can get some money off of him," Dad said.

I stormed back up the stairs. My parents are sooooo unfair! Jas has told me how her parents are giving her £100, because they know she'll spend it sensibly, and not spend it all at once, and use it for extra food and stuff. Gah! I'd spend mine sensibly, too! If I had that much…

Wednesday 13th August

6.00 pm

I've spent all day grumping around my bedroom. I'm sooo annoyed. For many reasons. The money problem isn't the only issue, now. Mutti and Vati said Granddad would be here tonight, but they said nothing about Uncle Eddie or cousin James. Great.

I am stuck at a table with two stupid parents, one insane sister, two furry cats who are trying to get to the food, one elderly loon who I need to get money off, the Baldy-o-Gram, and a perverted cousin.

Save me.

6.15 pm

Oh, God. The wine's come out, ABBA's been put on and now a sing-song is going on. Oh, and something keeps touching my leg. I keep thinking it's the cats, but when I look down, I see James' hand moving away.

He keeps feeling me up! Ewww! I may be violently sick in a minute.

8.00 pm

On the plus side, all the adults are now so drunk, that I may be able to get extra spending money from all of them. I'll target the bald coot, first.

"Uncle Eddie, I'm going on holiday to Cornwall on Saturday, with my friends, and I just wanted to know-"

"You wanted to know if I'd like to join you? Of course! I'd bet they'd love the Baldy-o-Gram! I provide endless entertainment!"

"Err, actually, no. I wanted to know if it's possible to get some spending money from you?"

"Sorry, Georgia, Baldy-o-Grams only receive money, they don't give it."

Target 1: Fail.

8.09 pm

"Mum, Dad… About this money issue…"

"We've already told you, Georgia, that you're not getting any more from us."

Targets 2 and 3: Fail.

8.11 pm

The only target left is Granddad. Or, he would be, if James would stop bloody following me!

"Is there any particular reason why you're following me all over the house, James?"

"Not really. I couldn't help overhearing that you need some extra money for your holiday."

Oh, I bet you could.

"Sort of."

"I'll give you some extra money."

"You will?! Oh, great, James! That'd be fab!"

"On two conditions, though."

Oh, God.

"And what might they be?"

"1) You let me come with you on this holiday. You'll be able to think of me as a cash machine. Until I run out, anyway."

"… What's the second one?"

"You let me kiss you."

Ewww, ewww, ewww, ewww, erlack and no! I am not that desperate for extra spending money.

"Err, oh, Y'know what? I've just remembered that Granddad promised me some extra money… So, errr… Yeah. Thanks, but no thanks."

8.15 pm

James has ran off… To join the circus… Hahahahaha. No, he's playing around with Libby. Good luck to him. Or her. I don't know who to feel sorry for the most.

Anyway, back to target 4.

"Hey, there, Granddad."

"This old man's still got the moves. Wait until I bust them at mine and Maisie's wedding!"

He'll definitely bust something in a minute, if he's not careful. His and Maisie's wedding? I thought they were actually joking about being engaged. Apparently not.

"Err, Granddad. Can I ask a favour of you?"

"I suppose so."

"Could I possibly have a bit of extra spending money off of you for my holiday? Please?"

"If you say 'pretty please, Granddad, with Maisie on top."

Oh, dear God. That has put a horrible picture in my head.

"Pretty please, Granddad… With… Maisie on top."

"Good girl. Here's £20."

Wow, wow, and triple wow! He actually gave me decent extra spending money. I actually gave him a hug. I'm pretty sure I can make £70 last the week. If I ration myself. And if no one asks me to buy food.

Saturday 16th August

7.15 am

All the Ace Gang slept over at Rosie's house last night, to save awkward questions from our parents about why Sven's driving the minibus. I still think we shouldn't let him. We all still think that Tom should drive. As he actually has a driving license.

We're just now waiting for the boys to actually arrive. Sven's put all our stuff into the minibus. Just our stuff alone has taken up the entire back of the minibus, so we don't actually know where the boys are going to put their suitcases and bags.

7.21 am

The boys have arrived. They all look exhausted.

"Hello, ladies!" Dave shouted to us.

"Dave, may I enquire as to why you all look so tired?" I asked.

"It's because we were up all night have lots of hot mansex."

Everyone looked at him.

"Oooh, mansex, yah, yah!" Sven laughed.

"Sven, ignore him," Rosie said, handing another bag to her beloved.

8.00 am

So, here we all are, crammed into this seemingly small minibus, with Sven at the wheel, zooming down the motorway at some illegal speed. Jas is stuffing herself silly with Midget Gems. She'll turn into a Midget Gem if she keeps eating them like that.

"Shouldn't you slow down a bit?" I asked her.

"Shouldn't you ask Sven that?" She replied, shoving another handful in her mouth.

"Rosie, tell Sven to slow down!" I said.

"Why? He's doing 60! The speed limit on a motorway is 70! Will you guys chill out?!"

"Is she sure the speed limit is 70?" I asked Jas.

"Don't know. Nor do I. Nor do I care. I just want to get there in one piece."

1.26 pm

We're here! At Lizard Point! Alive! We all scrambled out of the minibus as fast as we could as soon as Sven stopped. I think we'll get Tom to drive us around everywhere and back home. We'll all feel so much safer.

So, us girls are settling into our caravan nicely. Or, we would if the boys would stop walking in, looking around, and then walking back out. Nosey buggers. Our caravan isn't any nicer than theirs. In fact, I do wonder if Rosie actually wanted the moth-eaten choice.

5 minutes later

"Gee, Ro, Tom and I are going for a ramble. We'll be back soon," Jas said to us as she walked off.

"But don't you want some food?!" Rosie shouted after her, but Jas just waved.

Me and Ro-Ro just looked at each other and shrugged.

"I don't know why she wants to ramble around here. Surely it's not going to be any different back home?" I said, flopping down onto the very uncomfortable 'sofa'. You've all seen sofas in caravans, right? They don't look like normal sofas. More like squashy seats around the edge of pubs at tables.

"Ahhh home… I miss it already," Rosie said, flopping down next to me.

We could hear banging and people falling over in the caravan next to ours. Which happened to be the boys. We could also hear people falling over in our own caravan. That would be Ellen, Jools and Mabs. Me and Jas have been partnered in the bedroom with the double bed, Rosie and Jools are sharing a room, and Ellen and Mabs are sharing a room. They're clearly trying to sort out all their stuff. Me, Ro and Jas have had the sense to leave it until a bit later.

"Did you say you had food?" I asked Rosie, as we heard a particularly loud thump from the boys' caravan.

"Yeah, my Mum made these sandwiches," Rosie held up foil-covered sandwiches. "Only, they might've gone a bit hard, now."

"Food is food. Pass me one."

4.15 pm

Woahhh! I must've fallen asleep, because all I remember is eating that sandwich Rosie gave me, and then going for a lie down for a bit. No one can be bothered to do anything yet, as it's only the first day. But I do think we're going to find a fish and chip shop. There's always one near the seaside somewhere. It's like, law.

Excuse me as I go to the piddly diddly department.

A minute later

Someone's drawn a moustache on me!

A minute later

I have stormed into our 'lounge' to find out who did it. Why are the boys in here?

"That's one attractive moustache, Georgia," Dave laughed.

"Shut up. Who drew it?"

"I don't care what you say about my obsession, but I'm innocent," Rosie said.

I looked over at the boys, and raised my eyebrows. Declan and Edward have had moustaches drawn on, too!

"Did you two see who drew your moustaches?" I asked.

"No, we were asleep, too," Declan replied.

"So someone's going around whilst people are sleeping, and drawing moustaches on them?" I said.

"Yep," Edward nodded.

"By the way, Georgia, they've drawn it on with permanent marker," Declan added.

No way! I've ran into the 'bathroom' to try and wash it off.

A minute later

It won't come off.

I'm going to have to use A LOT of concealer, foundation and all that malarkey to try and cover it up. I'm probably going to end up looking orange. Eek!

5 minutes later

We've decided to go to the beach and play some volleyball. We're going to walk, too. We're not letting Sven drive around here, and Tom's still off on his ramble with Jas.

Declan, Edward and I are learning to live with our moustaches for now. We're looking at the hilariosity side of it. We are going to find out who drew them, though. We WILL find out…

5.00 pm

Phew. Playing volleyball in the evening's sun at the beach is quite exhausting. I don't know who's winning, as it's girls vs. boys again, but we have no net. Dave said that we'll have to "erect" one next time. Which made us all giggle like loons. Which we are.

Sunday 17th August

9.00 am

We're apparently not doing much today. As it is the first day. I'm sure the amusement park would be open today… Then again, this holiday is just going to be one big amusing trip.

My moustache still won't come off!! I've scrubbed at it like mad, and it's faded a bit, but you can still see it. When Jas and Tom came back from their ramble last night, they took one look at me, Declan and Edward, and burst out laughing. That is not what I call great friendship.

"Do you still not know who drew the moustaches?" Jas asked me whilst putting her lip gloss on.

"Nope. My immediate thought was Rosie, but she said she was completely innocent this time. Besides, she's more obsessed with beards than moustaches. So then I thought it might be Dave the Laugh, but… I don't think he did it."

"Well, who else is mad enough to go around drawing moustaches on people when they're asleep?"

Me and Jas looked at each other.

"Sven." We both said.

A few minutes later

We've barged into Rosie and Jools' room. Jools has gone round to offer tea to the boys (?), aaaand… Rosie has had a moustache drawn onto her. The thing is, she won't actually mind. She'll just put her beard on, and make it a beard-and-moustache combo.

"Ro-Ro, wake up you bearded and now moustached loon," I shook her awake.

"Wassup?" she asked, looking all bleary eyed.

"You have a moustache," Jas told her.

"What, after 5 long and hard years trying to grow one, I just sprout one overnight?" Rosie went to cop a feel at her moustache. "There's nothing there."

Jas grabbed a mirror from the bedside table, and held it up to Rosie's face.

"Oooh, the moustache artist strikes again!"

"I wouldn't call them an artist. Anyway, get up. Me and Jas are planning to get everyone to spend the entire day at the beach."

"Sounds like a plan, batwoman."

10.00 am

The boys have "erected" a net to play volleyball over, this time. We're not playing just yet, though. We're all in the sea. Sven just threw Rosie into it head-first. She may be concussed, now. Also, he likes her new moustache a bit _too_ much. I think it was Sven who drew the moustaches. It has to be him.

12.00 pm

Oof. I am absolutely bloody exhausted. Who knew playing so much volleyball and mucking around in the sea would tire you out so much?? I'll just have a sit down on this here rock…

"Oi, Georgia," Dave stuck his head around a nearby rock to look at me. "Come and see this.

"See what?" I asked him.

"Well, if you come over and see, you'll see, see?"

What?

Reluctantly, I've gotten up and walked behind all the rocks that Dave is hidden behind. He pointed to two jellyfish.

"Do you think they're snogging?"

"Jellyfish don't snog."

"They might do. These two look as though they are."

"Jellyfish don't even have lips!"

"Do you want to join them?"

"What, go and snog the jellyfish?"

"No, you numpty. We snog, they snog, it's like a snogfest."

"Dave, you said no more snogging."

"Yeah, but I really need a good snog."

Damn.

12.30 pm

Me and Dave have been snogging for half an hour! This is ridiculous, someone's going to have noticed that we're gone.

"Wow, Georgia. You're still top on the snogging front. I've never snogged a girl with a moustache before, though."

"So you've snogged a guy with a moustache?"

"Maybe."

I'd like to think he was joking.

"I think we should return to the others, Kittykat. They'll wonder where we'd disappeared to."

A few minutes later

"Where in the name of Jas' ginormous pants have you been?" Rosie asked me and Dave, slapping me on the back.

"Dave found jellyfish, so I went to see them, too."

"Oh, so you've been snogging?" Rosie raised her eyebrows. She's put her beard on, too.

"No, we were looking at the jellyfish."

Rosie just continued giving me one of 'those' looks, and wandered off to play volleyball with the others.

7.00 pm

Jas is cooking.

Yes, you did just hear right.

Jas is cooking. For everyone. She says she's cooking chips and fish fingers. She's put three packets of fish fingers in the oven. I'm pretty sure we don't need that many. I think we should've just gone to the chip shop.

7.45 pm

The chips are OK, but the fish fingers have been cremated. Jas tried to get Tom to help her, but even he failed.

9.00 pm

The boys have announced that they're staying in our caravan tonight. We've tried everything to get them out. We've tried pushing them, offering to show our nungas if they leave, we've even tried to get Sven to fart on them, but he couldn't muster up the gas. Which wasn't a nice thing to see.

5 minutes later

The boys are singing. Loudly and badly. They'll have the rest of the caravan park up if they're not careful. And the last thing we need is a load of old, angry people knocking on our door complaining about the noise.

10.00 pm

Us girls have gone to bed, leaving the boys in the 'lounge'. They're not as such being any quieter. If anything, they've gotten louder.

5 minutes later

They're still being ridiculously loud. Oh, wait, I can hear Rosie shouting at them. She's not impressed. She shouting about the noise, moustaches, lack of things to do, and the fact that the boys won't bugger off out of our caravan.

5 minutes later

Everything's gone quiet… But now I can't sleep…

… ZZZzzzzz…

Monday 18th August

11.16 am

We're at Flambards amusement park. We got Tom to drive, and refused to let him go for a ramble with Jas. Anyway, this park… Is spectacularly crap. Tom and Jas have wandered off to see the birds and owls and stuff. How sad. Me and Dave are wandering around with the mad couple (Rosie and Sven) to find the big rides.

There aren't any, really.

Rosie has just spotted a roller coaster, though, and has demanded that we give that a go.

11.30 am

It was utter rubbish. Not at all like the roller coasters at Alton Towers and Drayton Manor and stuff.

I don't know where Ellen, Jools, Mabs, Rollo, Declan and Edward have gone. They just mentioned that they were wandering off, and now they're gone. Weird.

Sven's just spotted a tattoo place. Luckily, it's not real tattoos, but airbrush tattoos. They sound awesome actually, I may have to get one, and present it to my Mother and Father and say it's real. Teehee.

12.00 pm

I've had a little cat done. The woman added glitter to it, and everything. Rosie's had a Viking done, and so has Sven. They are quite sensationally mad. Dave said that he'd pass, and was getting quite hungry. So, now we're hopping off to find something to eat.

5 minutes later

Yummm, burgers.

12.16 pm

The rest of the gang have found us, even Tom and Jas, and they've all got food, too. Jas is showing me her ridiculous pictures of all the animals she and Tom saw, on her digital camera.

Birds… Owls… More birds… Hawks… A snail… A snake… How interesting. Not.

5.03 pm

We've all come home. The 'amusement' park was getting a bit boring. So much for being amusing. Jas is looking through the bloody pictures of birds again, but with Tom this time. She's also refused to cook tonight, after the fiasco of the fish fingers last night.

Sooo… Me and Rosie are cooking. Which… Should be interesting.

7.34 pm

Me and Rosie have managed to cook a nice tea of pasta, tuna and mayonnaise. Nothing has been burnt, and it's all very edible. We've told everyone that the boys will be cooking tomorrow night.

8.01 pm

The boys have eaten and run! They've buggered back off to their own caravan to "make some noise" as Dave put it. Us girls have all changed into our jimjams, and are sat on mine and Jas' bed, just talking.

"This holiday is a hoot and a half, isn't it?" Rosie said, adjusting her beard.

"I suppose so," Jas shrugged.

"Wrong answer, Jas. The right answer is 'of course this holiday is a hoot and a half, Rosie, and I thank you muchly for organising it'," Rosie said, giving Jas a shove.

"But now we have nothing else to do. We've been to the beach twice, and even been to the amusement park. What's left to do?" I asked.

"I think we should just have a lazy day," Jools said. "Y'know, to just hang around the caravans, watching T.V. and generally doing bugger all."

"Sounds like a plan," Rosie said. "We'll do that tomorrow. Then on Wednesday, we'll go back to the beach. On Thursday we'll go shopping for souvenirs, and on Friday we'll just have another lazy day, packing all our stuff up."

"You know the boys will probably just change all of those plans," Mabs said.

"Not if I can help it," Rosie disagreed. "For I am the super-duper plan enforcer!"

We all just looked at her.

Tuesday 19th August

8.15 am

Why am I up so early? This is supposed to be a lazy day! Not even Jas is awake, yet. I might just go back to sleep…

A few minutes later

No I won't, because the boys are banging on the door, begging us to let them in. Bang all you want, guys, but we're not getting up for anyone.

11.05 am

The boys finally went away, and I got a couple of hours extra sleep. Jas is up, busying around the kitchen. Rosie isn't up, I can hear her snoring in the next room. By the sounds of things, Jools, Mabs and Ellen are up, because they're talking to some of the boys.

12.30 pm

I must've fallen asleep again, because I've just been rudely awoken by Dave.

"Get out of my room."

"You need to get up."

"No I don't. Today is a lazy day, and by the sounds of things, it's tipping down with rain, so I am not getting out of bed for love nor money."

"Odd, Rosie said something similar to that, except she was talking more in grunts."

"Nothing will get that girl up. Just like nothing is going to get me up today."

"Fine, then I'll just have to join you in bed."

"Excuse me? I'm in my pyjamas, and you have a lovely girlfriend of your own to share a bed with."

"Didn't stop you from snogging me the other day, though, did it?" Dave whispered.

"Oh, shut up. It was all your talk about the jellyfish, and my lips just puckered up."

"So, what your saying is that, if I ever want to snog you, I should just talk about jellyfish?"

"No! Dave. Go away. I'm going to get dressed, and I'll be out in a minute."

Dave grinned and walked out. I heard Rosie's door being opened, and Dave trying to get her out of bed. Then I heard a "ROAR" and a loud thud. I think Rosie may have just murdered Dave.

6.00 pm

Today really has been a lazy day. We've all just been sat in our caravan, watching T.V., eating snacks, and tried to ignore Rosie and Sven's snogging.

On the moustache front, it's nearly gone, but not quite yet.

Wednesday 20th August

11.00 am

We're just heading out to the beach again. Sven wanted to drive there, but Tom's insisted that he drives whenever we go somewhere, now.

The Beach

11.30 am

Jas has bought everyone ice creams from the seaside ice cream shop. It tastes yummy, because it's proper Cornish ice cream. And we all know that Cornish ice cream is the best ice cream.

5 minutes later

It's so damn warm! Also, some of my ice cream just accidentally dripped onto Ellen's head. She's shrieking and screaming like a baby, but Dave's told her to go and wash her head off in the sea. And she has. Her hair's going to be a nightmare to brush, now.

1.30 pm

Dave's bought everyone hotdogs from the other food stand. They're quite nice, but Sven's dropped his in the sand, and now it's all sandy. Not that he cares. He's still happily munching on it. Erlack.

5.30 pm

We going back to the caravans. As no one can be bothered to cook tonight, we've planned to stop off at the chip shop on the way. We're sending Jas and Tom in with our orders.

5.45 pm

If Jas and Tom understood anything of what everyone wanted, I'll be amazed. We were just shouting it at them. I'm pretty sure they weren't even listening, but will come out with just whatever they could afford.

Back at the girls' caravan

6.00 pm

Yummy, chippy chips. Jas and Tom got a few of the orders wrong, but no one seems to care. Everyone seems happy enough that they've just got chips. Anything else they've got is an added bonus.

Thursday 21st August

8.15 am

For once, all the girls have gotten up early, because we're desperate to go shopping. Even if it just for souvenirs. We love any kind of shopping. We're having trouble getting the boys to open their door, though. We're knocking on it like there's no tomorrow.

5 minutes later

Still knocking on their door, and… Oh! It's opening! Sven's opened the door, looking all bleary eyed… And hungover.

"We had alcohol, yes. Was good, yes. But head hurts now."

We all looked at each other with our eyebrows raised.

"And why weren't we invited to share your alcohol?" Rosie asked, hand on her hip.

Sven didn't answer, but just snogged her.

11.15 am

It has taken us 3 hours to get the boys out of bed. Tom is probably the only one who isn't hungover. He said that alcohol isn't his "thing". What, and rambling is?

11.45 am

YAY! Shopping!!

3.04 pm

I've bought Mum a nice keyring, Libby a toy of a whale, and I've bought Dad an attractive new tie. I've bought them all sticks of rock, too. I've bought Granddad some Cornish novelty socks, and I've bought Maisie some new wool. For Uncle Eddie, I bought him an attractive multi-coloured wig. To hide his baldness. For the cats, I had to visit a special pet shop, and they had fish dangling off a stick. So I bought some for the cats, but I know that they'll be eaten within five minutes. I like to think these people will appreciate their gifts, but I know they won't.

Saturday 23rd August

7.15 am

I can't believe we're going home today! Yesterday was a nightmare of trying to find things that we'd lost. Scarily, most of the make-up we'd lost has wandered over into the boys' caravan.

8.30 am

Goodbye Cornwall! We're just driving towards the motorway now. Tom is driving. Rosie's fallen asleep, the boys are singing, the other girls and filing their nails and nattering, and Sven… Has just taken out a permanent marker, and re-drawn Rosie's moustache. IT WAS HIM ALL ALONG!

Home

4.51 pm

"Hello, Mother, Father, sister and cats! It is I, Georgia, back from holiday!"

No answer.

Of course, they've all gone out.

6.00pm

The front door opened, and in bounded my sister, Mum, Dad and the cats.

"Oh, you're back, are you?" Dad said, putting some shopping away.

"Yes I am. And do my eyes deceive me, or have you actually bought food?"

"We have. Oh, by the way, Georgia, Masimo phoned to say he was back, and that he'd like to see you sometime," Mum said.

Oh, buggering Hell.

Sunday 24th August

11.30 am

I phoned Dave up, to see if he could meet me. He is, and he has something to tell me, too. I need his advice about Masimo.

"Kittykat! Over here!" Dave called. He was just walking across the park towards me.

Starbucks

11.45 am

I still don't see the point of coffee… Anyway, I've explained to Dave that Masimo callously dumped me before he zoomed back off to Italy, and that he'd phoned yesterday before I got back to say that he wanted to see me again.

"It sounds as though he only wants to go out with you when it suits him and when it doesn't. I still think he's gay, because I swear, I have seen him with a handbag," Dave said. I looked at him.

"So, do you think I should see him again or not?"

"I say not. And not just because I don't like him. But because you deserve to be treated better than how he's treated you. What, he calls you to say you should take a break from your relationship, then he flies off to Italy, and then he comes back, phones your house and says he wants to see you again. No one deserves to be treated like that. I don't think you should go back out with him, because it sounds like he's using you."

Wow, that was full of wisdomosity. So much, that I don't think my brain can take it.

"OK, if Masimo phones again, I'll tell him I don't want to know. Anyway, what was it that you wanted to tell me?"

Dave shifted in his seat a bit.

"Well, I just wanted to tell you that I've dumped Emma. I don't know if you wanted to know, but I thought I'd let you know, anyway."

"Oh, Ok. Did you dump her for any particular reason?"

"Other than the fact that I really like a certain someone else? No."

1.00 pm

Dave is kindly walking me home. Strangely, I felt elated when he told me that he'd dumped Emma. I just feel so happy now. Why?

"Anyway, I guess I'll see you later," Dave said.

"Yeah, I'll see you later," I replied.

Neither of us moved. I looked at him. He looked at me. I still looked at him. And then he kissed me!

That's when I noticed a scooter coming down the street.

Oh, buggering Hell.

* * *

A/N: I'm sooooo sorry that it took me ages to get this chapter up!! In all honesty, I have somehow completely lost interest in this fanfic, so, I'm sorry if it's utterly crap. I'm still trying to make it as funny as I possibly can. And I didn't mean for this chapter to be so long! I even cut some parts out of it!! Ahhh, well… Hopefully the next chapter will be written sooner than this one. Hopefully, but no promisies. Hope you enjoyed this chapter! Thanks to everyone who's reviewed so far!


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3**

**One Man Went To Mow…**

Monday 25th August

11.20 

Masimo just called to say that he saw me kissing Dave yesterday. I just knew it was him on his bloody scooter coming down the street! He didn't even stop, just looked as he drove past, and then zoomed off into the next street. Dave had leaped back like a leaping thing when he noticed the scooter, too.

Anyway, Masimo wants to meet up and talk about "that kiss". What's there to talk about? It was just a friendly kiss between chums. Not that everyone kisses their friends.

A minute later

And maybe it was a tiny bit of number 6, too.

A minute later

And some virtual number 8. But I can't be certain.

A minute later

Anyway, yes. Masimo wants to meet up about 1-ish, to go for bloody coffee. What is everyone's obsession with talking things over coffee? Even when my parents have a disagreement, they'll say, "oh, let's sit down and talk about this over a cup of coffee". The Americans love their "cawwfeee". I can't stand the stuff, personally.

Starbucks

1.10 pm

He's late.

Also, I'm going to practically live in here, soon. Twice in two days that I've actually been here. The Starbucks staff are going to start thinking that I actually like coffee.

2 minutes later

He's here.

"Sorry, Miss Georgia, for being late. I was, how you say, held stuck in traffic." God his eyes are gorgeous. No, bad brain! I must remember what the hornmeister said!

"That's OK. Everyone gets held up, sometimes." Crikey, that was almost a normal thing for me to say!

"So, Miss Georgia… I saw you kissing with Dave."

"Yeah…"

"Is that mean he is your boyfriend?"

"No. He's just a friend."

"A friend you kiss?"

"Yeah. Well, no… Sort of."

"What is it, Miss Georgia. Yes or no?"

"It happened by accident."

I am not doing very well getting myself out of this sticky situation. Damn you Dave!

"By accident?"

"Yes, you see… I, er, fell… And he caught me. But we accidentally kissed."

"I see," Masimo frowned.

I poured some more sugar into my coffee. I've been pouring sugar into it for about the past 5 minutes. I think it might just be sweet enough by now.

"Listen, Masimo. I don't think it's fair what you've done, either."

"How you mean?" Masimo looked surprised.

"Well, you phoned me just before you went to Italy, and said that we should take a break from being in a relationship. And you come back, and phone me to see if I wanted to meet up with you. It's like you're using me as your girlfriend when you want to," wow, I totally told him what Dave had told me!

Get out of my brain, Dave the bloody Laugh!

"Oh, I see. Well, it's just that I didn't want you to be waiting for me for when I got back. I wanted you to go have fun, yes?" Masimo looked a little sad.

"But it's like you were dumping me, and now you just expect me to jump right back and be your girlfriend again," I frowned.

Masimo hung his head. Oh God, I hope I hadn't made him cry!

"I think it's best if we just leave it altogether, Masimo. I'm sure you'll find someone else who you'll want to stay with regardless," I stood up.

Masimo looked up. He wasn't crying, thank God.

"Maybe I can take you home, yes?" He held out his hand.

I shook my head, but took his hand anyway. And shook it. For God's sake, what is wrong with me?!

5.05 pm

I've managed to grab the phone before Mum phones up any of her stupid aerobics chums. I'm planning to tell Jas all about my meeting with Masimo. I've only just gotten the chance, because as soon as I got home, Mum wanted me to take Libby down to the park. I had to bring her home, though, because she was trying to use another child as a boat. She was sat on him. He was pinned to the floor. Crying. That is the type of child my sister is.

Anyway, I dialled Jas.

"Hello?" Jas' voice answered.

"Jazzy, my little pal."

"Oh, God. It's you."

"That could be considered quite bloody rude, you know."

"I know."

"Anyway. I have something of utter importance to tell you. Two things, in fact."

"Fire away."

"I don't know whether it requires an Ace Gang meeting…"

"Georgia, just tell me."

"Well… First… Me and Dave accidentally kissed-"

"AGAIN?! You've got to stop doing that, Georgia! He has a girlfriend, and you sort of have Masimo!"

"Do you mind? You completely interrupted me, there! Anyway, no, he doesn't have a girlfriend. He dumped Emma."

"Bloody Hell."

"I know. And I don't sort of have Masimo, because he saw me kissing Dave, so he wanted to talk to me today. But, I told him we should just leave it altogether, because he just expected me to be his girlfriend again when he got back from Italy."

"Crikey."

"Exactly."

"So, is Masimo off your list of boys to choose to be with?"

"What are you raving on about now?"

"Well, it's Dave the Laugh, Robbie or Masimo. You have to choose one of them at some point."

"It's definitely not Masimo after today. I wouldn't be surprised if he'd gone running to Lindsay, crying."

"Did you make him cry today, then?"

"I thought I had, but I hadn't. Anyway, how am I supposed to choose between Masimo, Dave and Robbie. Robbie's going back out with Lindsay."

"You never know. You know how clingy she can be."

"Wow, did Jas just say something bad about Lindsay?"

"Oh, shush, I dislike her almost as much as you. Ish."

"Anyway, yes. Masimo is off my list of boys to choose from."

"OK. Can I go now? Have you finished ranting to me?"

"I do believe-"

She put the phone down on me!

10.30 pm

I am lying on my bed, full of confusiosity. I have been for the past 5 hours. So I have to choose between Robbie or Dave? Well, Dave's, Y'know, a laugh… But Robbie.. Phwoar. Lindsay doesn't deserve anyone remotely like him. Not with her lack of forehead.

5 minutes later

I am no longer lying on my bed in confusiosity on my own anymore. Libby's pattered in, and has brought Angus and Gordy with her. Gordy's actually been forced to stay indoors recently, because there's a new cat up the road, and Gordy's apparently been sniffing around her. He'll have had his wicked way with her by now, if he truly takes after his father.

"Libby, why don't you take the cats into your own room?"

"No, bad boy. Move up. Me and cats want to get in."

Wednesday 27th August

11.30 am

I've gone for a walk through town. I'm not stopping at any shops, because my Mum rudely refused to give me any money to spend. I don't know why, because all she's doing all day is stopping home and looking after Libby. Why does she need her money?

A minute later

Oh, buggering buggery Hell. I must try to avoid him at all costs. If I hide in this here doorway…

"Hi, Georgia. Er, why are you staring at an ad for Jehovah's Witnesses?"

Damn.

"Oh, er, hi, Robbie. I'm, erm, not." Oh, God, I've turned into Ellen. Robbie raised his eyebrows.

"Riiiight. Well, listen. Do you want to go for a coffee or something? We can talk about some things. My treat?"

What IS everyone's obsession with coffee?! And what 'things' does he want to talk about? Ooooh noooo.

Starbucks

11.45 am

The waitress just raised her eyebrows at me as Robbie ordered our coffees. I can see why she looked at me like that, though. In the past 4 days, I've come here with 3 different boys. That can't be good for any other people watching me, can it? It makes me looks like a tart.

2 minutes later

Me and Robbie are just slurping on our coffee. Not saying anything. I'm going to try my best to start a conversation, and not sound mad. Or like Ellen.

"So, erm…" MUST STOP DITHERING! "What did you want to talk about?"

Robbie looked up. He had a foam moustache. I resisted the urge to laugh.

"Well, not much. But I do hear that you officially broke up with Masimo?"

"Ooooh. Yeah. I did. Well, he wanted us to take a break whilst he buggered off to Italy for a couple of weeks, and then phoned me up the day I got back from Cornwall, though I hadn't quite gotten home at the time he phoned, and expected me to meet up with him, like I was just going to go and ping back to him and be his girlfriend again."

Robbie raised his eyebrows again.

"Seriously? He said that?"

"Yeah. But, never mind. I've officially finished it. I can't be with a boy who can't decide whether he wants me as his girlfriend or not."

Robbie nodded. As though I was actually making sense.

"I've gotta say, Georgia, that you really seem to have grown up. You're not talking utter crap anymore."

"Wow. Really? Must be a sign of my new maturiosity."

Robbie laughed.

"Anyway, Robbie. What's happening with you and Lindsay? I haven't heard much about you two recently. Everything still peachy keen?"

Robbie stopped laughing and frowned.

I must really stop starting my sentences with 'Robbie'.

"Well… In her eyes it is. She thinks everything's fantastic between us. She thinks that I'm going to move to be near her when she goes to university, too. To be honest, I don't want to move to a place nearer to a girl I'm not sure I even like."

"What?"

"Well, let's put it this way. She's all hung up on me, but I don't really want to be with her. She's clingy, and if I'm being honest, she's fake. The only reason I went back out with her was because I felt sorry for her. She came to me, crying that Masimo knocked her back, and she asked me to be a shoulder to cry on. I agreed, and somehow we ended up going out again."

"Crikey. Are you going to dump her?"

"I don't know… I'm going to have to, sooner or later. It's not fair of me to keep stringing her along like this, but she never gives me a chance to tell her anything. It's all about her."

"Crikey."

"Yeah… Well, anyway… I'd better be off. I promised Tom I'd pick up some flower seeds from the gardening store. See you later, Georgia."

Still In Starbucks

12.11 pm

I'm still thinking about what Robbie just said. Not about the flower seeds, but about him and Lindsay. So she's really into him, but he doesn't want her. Well, that's a turn out for the books!

12.30 pm

I'm walking off home to go and phone Jas about my discovery.

A minute later

Holy Crud! I just went to cross the road, and this car was speeding towards me, and who should be driving it? Lindsay!! Who the Hell let her have a license?! She could've killed me!

12.45 pm

Phoned Jas.

"Hello?"

"Jas, Jas, Jas, my bestest little pal!"

"Alright, Georgia. What do you want, this time?"

"Nothing! I have news for you!"

"You've tamed your big red bottom with a firm hand?"

"No, but I wish I did. I just spoke to Robbie, and apparently, Lindsay's all keen on him, but he doesn't want to be with her!"

"Seriously?"

"Yep."

"Well, is Robbie going to break up with her?"

"He says that he never gets a chance to talk about anything with her, because all she ever does is go on about herself. But he says he wants to break up with her sooner or later."

"It's not nice of him to keep going out with her if he doesn't actually like her enough to go out with her."

"I know. That's what he said, which is why he wants to seriously talk with her. But like I said that he said, she only ever talks about herself."

"Sounds about right."

"It does, doesn't it?"

"Yes. So, is that all?"

"It is."

"OK, bye."

"Toodles."

Friday 29th August

1.00 pm

We're having an emergency group meeting. Here in Starbucks. I don't ever want to enter this place again after today. Anyway, Our emergency meeting is that school starts on Monday, and none of us have thought of a new way to wear our berets.

"I can't believe you guys are still thinking of stupid things to do with the beret," said Jas. She's just annoyed that we dragged her away from her seed-planting session with Hunky.

"Well, we haven't, really. Which is why we called this meeting," Rosie replied. She's wearing her beard again, and sucking on her pipe. They apparently "help her think".

"We'll be 6th formers as of Monday. I don't think we should be doing stupid things with our berets anymore," Jas reasoned.

"Come on, Jas. We have to inject a little fun into Stalag 14. Otherwise we will be bored to death," I said, slurping on some more coffee.

"We'll all get detention on the first day…" Jas continued.

"For God's sake, Jas! Get a life!" Rosie exclaimed. Jas looked a little hurt.

"Well, unlike the rest of you, I do have a life. I go out with Tom, and we do things away from our friends and school," Jas returned.

"Oooh, what sort of things?" Jools asked.

"Just… Things. You know. Rambling, looking at nature…" Jas replied.

"Fascinating, I'm sure," Rosie said, stroking her beard. "What I think we'll have to do… Is do the sausage method with our beret. We haven't used that one for a while, and it'll take too long to think up something new."

We all nodded in agreement. Except Jas.

"I refuse to do anything stupid with the beret."

"Don't do anything with it, then. The rest of us will," I said.

"Fine. If you're all done discussing stupidity, I'll be off. I have seeds to sow," Jas said, getting up from the table and walking away.

"One man went to mow, went to mow a meadow…" Rosie sang under her breath.

"That has nothing to do with sowing seeds," I pointed out.

"Yeah, and? The song suited the moment."

"Fair enough."

Sunday 31st August

8.30 pm

I have tried my bestest to keep Libby and the cats out of my room. It's worked so far, but it's approaching Libby's bed time, so she may invade my room to sing her a song, or read her a story or something. And I can't be doing with that.

So, I plucked to within an inch of my life earlier, so there are no caterpillar-eyebrow incidents going on. And whilst in the bath, I practically shaved myself raw. Which is not something I say every day. I'm now so bald, that I could probably pass for Uncle Eddie's twin.

Except, I still have hear on my head.

I wonder what Uncle Eddie would look like with no eyebrows?

A minute later

That… Is such a funny image in my head.

Nooo, down madness!! I cannot let anything mad in my head right now!

8.45 pm

If I just make sure that I have all of my stupid uniform ready for tomorrow… Yes, there it is. All hung up in my wardrobe, ready and waiting. I've pre-rolled my beret, just in case I get up late and don't have time to roll it in the morning.

9.00 pm

Oh, God. It's here. Libby's bed time. And yep, here she is, barging her way into my room, holding onto Gordy like there's no tomorrow. Luckily, she doesn't have Angus. I don't think I can stand all three of them.

"Are you off to bed, now, Libby?"

"Yes. Your bed. Night, night, bad boy."

"No, Libby. You need to go to your own bed and sleep."

"No, bad boy. Sleeping your bed. It's naaaaaice."

"Yes, but your bed must be nicer, surely?"

"No. You bed nicer. Now get in, bad boy."

I am controlled by my little sister.

Monday 1st September

8.15 am

Late, late, late! I just KNEW I was going to be late. Uniform has been put on in a rush. Straighten out uniform. I look somewhat presentable. Hint of eyeliner and lipgloss. I'll just shove my head in my bag when I walk past Hawkeye. Beret… Pinned to back of the head.

Phew.

8.20 am

Just buttering myself some toast. Well, a slice of toast that I hope hasn't been slurped on by Libby. She's licked every single slice of toast that Mum has made so far, and then stuck it back on the toast rack. I've grabbed one that Mum's just taken out of the toaster, so I think I'm safe.

"Good morning, family!"

Father has arrived. He's wearing his tie I got him from Cornwall.

"Sorry, Papa, I must dash, for I have school to attend. Toodles."

Ran for it.

8.30 am

Met Jas at her gate. I'm glad she's not having a huff with me.

"Are you ready to roll, my little pal?" I said as I walked up to her.

"Most definitely."

I looked at her head. She hasn't done the sausage method. She's no fun.

"I've been thinking…" Jas started. Oh, God. "Who do you think will become prefects now that Lindsay and her crew have left?"

Good question.

"I have no idea. It's sure to be stuck-up swats who lick the teacher's bum-oleys."

"Or, it might just be decent students who like to learn and don't do stupid things with their berets."

I looked at her. She looked at me.

"You actually WANT to be a prefect, don't you?!" I exclaimed, cottoning onto what Jas was saying.

"Well, it would be nice. But with you and the rest as the Ace Gang as my friends, that odds are stacked against me."

"What's that supposed to mean?!"

"It means that you guys ruin my chances of being a prefect with all of your stupidity."

"Well, in that case, don't be our friend!"

"Georgia, you're so childish. Find, I won't talk to you guys. I'll disassociate myself from you guys, and hang with the other prefect-to-be's. "

Grr to her!

Assembly

9.00 am

I'm sat next to Rosie and the rest of the Ace Gang. Jas has gone to sit next to some other swats. The Ace Gang looked really confused when Jas blanked them, but they frowned when I explained what she'd said.

"How could she blame her bad chances of becoming prefect on us? Amen." Jools asked.

We were doing prayers, so we were adding 'Amen' to everything we were saying, so it looked as though we were actually praying. Like last year.

"I don't know. Amen." I replied.

"It's, like, horrible that she, like, wants to be, like, a prefect more than our friend. Or something. Amen." Ellen said.

"Well, live and wear beards. If she wants to be prefect so bad that she'll abandon our friendship. Then so be it. Amen." Rosie said.

9.05 am

The people who are to become prefects this year are being announced. So far, Jas hasn't been mentioned.

A minute later

I spoke too soon. Slim has just read out Jas' name. All the Ace Gang look in shock, me included. We looked over to where Jas was sitting, and she looks in shock, too. Now all the new prefects have to go up and get their special badges. Jas tripped over her chair. Ha, bloody, ha.

9.10 am

The God songs have started. We're singing "All Things Bright A Beautiful". Except, me and Rosie are singing a different version.

"All PANTS bright and beautiful, all UNDEARWEAR great and small!"

Jas can clearly hear us, because she's giving us the eagle eye. Crikey, she's going to be the next Lindsay/Hawkeye. It's like she's their love child!

9.20 am

Dammit. Jas collared hold of me and Rosie at the end of assembly, and has sent us to Slim's office for, "being silly and changing the words to the song" as she put it. She's taking this prefect business alarmingly serious. I hope she snaps out of it, soon, because I'm beginning to miss her. A bit.

"I can't believe Jas has sent us to our beloved head!" Rosie said, pouting.

"She's taking her prefect title too seriously. I mean, we're supposed to be her friends."

"Well, if she chooses prefectness over us, then so be it. She's not invited to my party tomorrow night."

"Party?"

"Yep."

"Oh, God."

And that was when the almighty leader called us forward.

"You two girls, in here, NOW!"

"Yes, sir," Rosie muttered under her breath.

10 minutes later

Me and Rosie now have to attempt to find the class we're in. I pray to God we haven't got Hawkeye for homeroom. Slim just ranted and raved, and gave us bad conduct marks. What a fabulous year this is going to be, if, half an hour into the new year, we already have marks next to our name.

5 minute later

We found our room. We don't have Hawkeye. It's someone much worse. It's Herr Kamyer. German Dithering King. I would've said 'Dithering Queen', because I suspect he has a touch of femininity to him. But, Ellen already has that title.

"Girls, _du_ _ist_ 15 minutes late."

"Sorry, Herr Kamyer. The headmistress of this dear school held us up, thanks to a certain ex-friend who sent us there because she is now prefect," Rosie said, and we both looked at Jas, who pointedly looked away.

4.15 pm

The first day of Hell is officially over! Nothing much happened in the lessons. We were just told what we'd be doing throughout the year, given various textbooks and so on. Very boring.

Anyway, me and the rest of the Ace Gang are lumbering home. Jas is behind us, keeping a distance, but not so much that she can't hear what we're saying. Nosey.

"Tell me more about your party, then, Rosie," I said.

"Well, everyone has to be at mine for 8pm. That gives you all just under 4 hours to get ready. I suggest you do most things tonight. Decide what to wear and so on. Sven is DJing. There will be food. In the kitchen, not the living room. My parents are helpfully moving everything from the living room upstairs."

"Er, why?" Mabs asked.

"Because this party is no ordinary party," Rosie replied, unhelpfully.

"What sort of party is it, then?" Ellen asked.

"It's a foam party."

"Oh, God," we all said, shaking our heads.

"Yes, the room with be filled with thick foam and bubbles. So, I suggest that you all wear something that doesn't get heavy when it gets wet, and something that you don't mind getting all foamy, soapy and soaked," Rosie continued.

"You do realise that we have school on Wednesday morning?" I said.

"Yep. If you can't get up in the morning, then it's tough. You'll just have to skive off," Rosie replied, shrugging.

"I think someone may notice if we all just don't turn up on Wednesday, Ro," Jools said.

"Nah. They'll suspect nothing," Rosie disagreed, putting her beard on. "I've invited practically everyone, so we're ready to roll. I just need everyone to turn up, now."

Blimey.

11.56 pm

I wonder what I should wear tomorrow night? I'm thinking my black leather skirt, and maybe my nice purple halter neck that my parents kindly gave me money for at the beginning of the Summer holidays.

For shoes…? I might not wear heels. I don't want to look like a prostitute. I'll wear my sparkly silver pumps that are super comfy and won't kill my feet by the end of the night.

At least that's my outfit planned. Make-up will only take me a few minutes. I think I'll go super natural on that front, and only put on eyeliner, mascara, foundation, powder, purple eyeshadow, and lip-gloss. Very natural, I think.

Right, time for bed…

5 minutes later

I can't sleep! The Next-Doors have left the Prat Poodles outside, and they're howling like mad. The Next-Doors are always complaining to me about Angus and Gordy yelling at all hours of the night, so I'm going to go round and complain about their bloody dogs.

On The Next-Doors Doorstep, Banging On Their Door

5 minutes later

Mr Next-Door has finally opened the door, and is looking around, bleary-eyed.

"Oh, it's you," he said, when he realised who I was.

"Lovely to see you, too, Mr Next-Door. My, the midnight moon does make your skin glow-"

"What the Hell do you want?"

"Touchy, aren't you? Well, I just came to COMPLAIN about your bloody so-called dogs who are making an utter RACKET. If you could shut them up, that would be fab, thanks." I walked off back to my own house.

Back in bed

5 minutes later

The Prat Poodles are still yapping away. But all is good, because I can hear someone else knocking on Next-Door's door. And now some shouting.

"WILL YOU SHUT YOUR EFFING DOGS UP! THEY'RE WAKING THE WHOLE BLOODY STREET UP!"

Those would be the dulcet tones of Mr Across-The-Road.

5 minutes later

The dogs have been shut up.

Tuesday 2nd September

Lunch

This morning has gone without major incident. Luckily, all we have this afternoon is General Studies with Miss Wilson, so we've decided to start doing make-up then. It means that when we all take baths later, we won't be able to get our faces wet, but oh well.

6.00 pm

We all ran home like loonies once school was finished. We didn't even do anything stupid with our berets, or sing stupid songs. In fact, we acted quite normal today, to try and stay out of trouble. Of course, Hawkeye thought we were all up to something, me and Rosie in particular, so she was watching us intently. We were genuinely trying to keep out of trouble. Jas seemed impressed with us, but we still didn't talk to her.

Just drying my hair, then I'll straighten it, then I'll apply clothing. Teehee.

7.00 pm

One of the cats have done a poo in my sparkly shoes! Not just in the one shoe, but both of them!! Bloody furry things! I'll have to get Mum to disinfect them tomorrow. Now I've got to choose a different pair of shoes… I'll have to go with heels. They'll have to do.

8.05 pm

"You're late," Rosie said, as she opened the door and looked me up and down. "And also dressed to impress."

"I'm only five minutes late!" I said, as I pushed past her into the house. There were already loads of people here!! Including Dave, Rollo and everyone. The rest of the Ace Gang were already here, too. "You really didn't invite Jas, then?"

"Well, I told her she could come if she wanted to, but she said something about having to get up tomorrow morning," Rosie replied, waving at Sven, who seemed to be having a whale of a time at the decks.

"So do the rest of us," I raised my eyebrows.

"Yeah, but you've got to remember, she's a prefect now," Rosie said, raising her eyebrows back at me.

She made a point.

8.55 pm

The party is literally heaving. We're doing one of our many Viking Dances in front of everyone, and everyone is clapping and cheering. Then the door opened. And there stood… Jas.

We all looked at her, she looked at us, Sven stopped the music, people were looking around confused, Rosie grabbed the microphone, I grabbed hold of it as well, because I felt left out.

"You owe us an apology, Missy," Rosie said. Everyone looked at Jas.

"I'm really sorry, guys. You lot are my besties, and no matter how much I actually wanted to be a prefect, you lot should've come first, and I shouldn't have ditched you," Jas hung her head. I took over the mic.

"And are you sorry for sending us to Slim's office?"

Jas looked up.

"Yes. You only changed the words of the song. I was just abusing my power of prefect."

"Next time, send us there for something worthwhile. Sven, put the vibes back on!" Rosie shouted.

We all ran over to Jas and gave her a big hug. And I mean, just the Ace Gang. Or, it was just the Ace Gang having a group hug, until Dave the Laugh shouted from somewhere that everyone else should join in.

9.05 pm

Rosie's started the foam. I've also just had a thought, and asked Rosie about this. But, won't the foam leak into Sven's decks, and ruin the electrics and everything? Rosie said it won't, because they're waterproof. That's all very well, but are they foamproof, too?

A few minutes later

There are people slipping over left, right and center. Me and Dave are trying to dance, but we can hardly see each other, and one of us keeps slipping slightly.

"This party is rocking, isn't it, Kittykat?" Dave shouted to me over the music.

"Totally! I haven't been to a party this good for ages!" I shouted back.

"Do you know what would make it even better?"

"What?"

"A snog!"

Oh, Goddy God. Did he really just say that? I can just feel my lips puckering up…

"Isn't this party good as it is?!"

"Nah, a snog would make it better!"

Uh oh.

9.40 pm

Dave snogged me and ran. Saying he needed to be home. Why is it we always accidentally snog?! At least no one could see us, because of all the bloody foam. Then again, I couldn't really see Dave. I could've been kissing anyone. No, I know it was him, from his kissing abilities.

But… I could've been kissing something that wasn't his mouth.

Erlack! Down, brain! Down!

Home

12.30 am

Everyone had to admit defeat in the end. Rosie's house was fit to burst with all the foam. I think she might have tomorrow off, because she'll have to clean up.

A minute later

I can't believe I snogged Dave, again! Ooooh, I'm so full of confusiosity!

* * *

A/N: Heh, a quicker update this time or what? I started it yesterday (6th August), and would've finished it and uploaded it yesterday, but I needed some extra sleep and then had to zoom off to work. Anyway, hopefully the next update should be quick, too! Review? Please?


	5. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4**

**I Didn't Do It. I Was Dead At The Time**

Thursday 4th September

Midday

In typical Rosie style, Mrs Viking-To-Be skived off school yesterday. But, she did actually have to clean up her house. Ah well, she's here now. Jas is off doing prefect duties, and I still haven't told anyone about the snog with Dave amongst the bubbles. I don't dare to tell anyone in front of Ellen. She'll have a total spaz.

"Shall we doing something entertaining, chums?" Rosie asked. The way she said it… I have a funny feeling that the sort of entertainment she's thinking about will get us into detention. Or worse. I know what Rosie is like.

"What is there to do that is entertaining?" I asked her, eyebrows raised. "We're at school, you numpty."

"Elvis' hut," was the reply I got.

"Ooooh no. I've had enough of getting into trouble thanks to Elvis," I said.

"Well, think about it, he's always moaning about how stuffy it is in his hut. Why don't we 'open' his window?"

"Open his window? That's not, erm, very entertaining," Ellen said. She has a point.

"Ellen has a point. I'm sure Elvis can open his own window," I said.

"No, you're missing my point, maties. We go and REMOVE his window. Then he'll never have to keep opening and then shutting it," Rosie winked. I'm not liking this idea.

"But, erm, won't removing, y'know, his window, like, well, won't we need some, erm, tools… Or something?"

"Christ, Ellen, don't take all year," Rosie said. "No. We'll just smash it."

"Rosie, I hate to say it, but you seem to be a lot more violent this year. Do you have aggression built up in you or something?" Jools piped up.

"Indeedy. I've just about had enough of Elvis and his stupid hat and his stupid nuddy-pants magazines. It's about time he got his comeuppance," Rosie said, slamming her hand down on the grass.

We all looked at each other, and at Rosie, with our eyebrows raised. It might just be the maddest idea in the entire world, but right now, smashing Elvis' window is extremely tempting.

5 minutes later

We've sneaked round to Elvis' hut, and Rosie's looking in through one of the windows to make sure that he's not in there.

"Clear, me maties. Ellen, pass me that shovel."

"You are barking mad!" Mabs said, shaking her head.

"You're going to use a shovel?" I asked Ro-Ro, with my eyebrows raised again. I fear they may disappear into my hair at this rate.

"Why not?" Rosie replied, as she took the shovel from Ellen.

We all watched her and around us to make sure no one else was watching us. Then, when we gave the thumbs up to Rosie, she swung the shovel, and it shattered the window into about a thousand tiny pieces.

"OIIII!" we heard someone shout.

Oh, fan-bloody-tastic. Hawkeye's running over to us… With Jas. This should be amusing to watch. Jas having to put us into detention.

"Rosie, you absolute pillock," I muttered to Ro-Ro. She just looked cross-eyed at me.

"Could you five girls explain to me why you just obliterated Mr. Attwood's window?" Hawkeye said, glaring down at us all, her hands on her hips.

"We didn't do it," Rosie replied. She was still holding the shovel.

I quickly glanced at Jas. She looked as though she was trying to hide a smile. To be honest, I think we all were. Except Hawkeye. She was not amused.

"Really?" Hawkeye got right into Rosie's face, but Ro-Ro didn't even flinch or back away. "Explain to me then, why you're holding a shovel."

"I picked it up off the ground. Whoever did smash the window must've just threw it on the floor after the 'obliterated' Mr. Attwood's window. I was kindly leaning it back against the wall," Rosie replied.

"Rosemary Mees, there is no point in lying to me. I saw you do it."

"I didn't do it. I was dead at the time."

"Do not be silly, girl! You and your little friends can go to the Headmistress' office, and you can all serve double detentions. Move, now!"

"Yes, sir," Rosie said, saluting Hawkeye, and carefully leaning the shovel against the wall.

Slim's Office

5 minutes later

"You are 6th formers! You are supposed to be setting an example to the younger students, not running around, smashing windows like hooligans!"

Oh, rave on, fatty.

Homeroom

1.55 pm

Slim kept us in her office for aaaaaaages, just ranting on and on about setting examples and stuff. She also says that we have to stay after school today, to help clean the entire bloody school! At least there'll be the 5 of us AND the cleaners. The school will be cleaned in record time.

A few minutes later

Herr Kamyer hasn't even turned up yet. He's probably gotten lost. I can only hope. Jas is laughing about the window incident, which I don't thin is good for a prefect.

"Don't let Hawkeye hear you laughing about Elvis' window," I told her.

"It was bloody funny, though," Jas grinned. "I just let Hawkeye do all the talking, though, because I feared that I would just explode into laughter if I opened my mouth. You do know that you'll probably have to pay for the window, now, Rosie?"

"Yeah, I know," Rosie said, filing her nails and leaning back on her chair. "But it'll be alright. I just don't want to have to help clean the whole school tonight."

"We've all got to do it," Jools said.

"You're just lucky you didn't get anything worse," Jas pointed out. "Slim could've quite easily have suspended you."

"Yeah, we know," we all replied.

A few minutes later

Herr Kamyer has arrived. He put his books and things on his desk, and asked us to get on with some work. We all blatantly ignored him. Rosie has an evil look on her face… She's planning something.

"What are you thinking?" I asked her.

"Watch this," she whispered to us all, and got up.

She walked over to Herr Kamyer, who looked at her with bewilderment.

"Herr Kamyer, you must be exhausted after the first few days back at school. Let me help you onto your chair," Rosie said, pulling out his chair for him_._

"_Ach_, _danke_, Rosemary," Herr Kamyer replied, going to sit down.

And that was when… Rosie pulled out the chair further, causing Herr Kamyer to fall on the floor. The whole room burst into laughter, and Herr Kamyer got to his feet looking all flustered before shouting at Rosie to go and see Slim.

2.30 pm

Rosie has returned from the pits of Hell that is Slim's office. She doesn't look too happy, but as she sat down, her face split into a grin, and she waved at Herr Kamyer, who scowled.

"So, what did Slim say?" I asked her.

"I'm in triple detention now, and she's sending a letter home to my parents. They'll be thrilled," Rosie laughed.

"You're surprisingly happy," Jas said, her eyebrows raised.

"I'm just seeing how much it takes to get kicked out of the school," Rosie replied.

"You want to get kicked out?" we all asked her.

"Yeah. Well, if I want to leave school, I may as well leave school for something memorable and worthwhile," Rosie shrugged.

She had a point. Getting kicked out for doing something like… Setting fire to the school… That would be the best way to leave.

4.30 pm

Bloody teachers with their bloody detentions and their bloody suggestions of cleaning the bloody school. This is why I HATE school. They punish us for every tiny little thing!

OK, so admittedly, breaking Elvis' window wasn't a little thing. But I don't understand why Jools, Mabs, Ellen and I have to join Rosie in detention. Hawkeye said that it was because we "didn't do anything to stop her and more than likely helped distract Mr. Attwood." We did not distract him. He was already gone. But no, we get accused of that, too!!

We have to do this tomorrow, as well, and then Rosie has to do this on Monday, too. Bloody nightmare. We were all hoping to go shopping tomorrow, but we'll have to go on Saturday, instead.

Home

6.00 pm

Finally escaped the torturous chamber of school. Rosie discovered that if we ran around the hall with our mops, the floor got cleaner a lot faster. But, the downside to that was that it was all slippery, so we were falling all over the place.

"WHAT TIME DO YOU CALL THIS?!" my lovely Father shouted at me from the lounge.

"How nice to see you, too, Father. Well, if you must know, Rosie broke the caretaker's window at lunchtime today, and so we all got detention for it. So, I'll be late home tomorrow, too."

"Can't you stay out of trouble, just for once?!"

"No."

"If you want to be smart, go to your room and do some homework."

Oh, blah, blah, blah. Rave on, male-version of Slim.

Phone rang

6.15 pm

"Don't worry, my dear family. The phone is only in the hall, and you are just in the lounge. Don't mind me, I'll just run down the stairs to answer it, since you can't be bothered to get up and answer it yourselves!" I shouted.

"Georgia, just answer the bloody phone!" Vati shouted back to me, and I heard him fart.

Erlack.

"Hello, you've somehow managed to phone a mad house, Georgia speaking, how can I help?"

"_Ciao_, Miss Georgia."

Oh my God! It was Masimo! I haven't heard off him since I officially broke us up. I wonder what he wants…

"Oh, er, hi, Masimo. I've got to say, I wasn't expecting you to phone. What's up?"

"Ah, Miss Georgia. I only call you to say that I am moving to America. For good. My parents think it is good for me. I think it is good for me, too."

"Wow, really? Well, I think it'll do you good, too. Erm… When are you leaving?"

"On Saturday. I wish for you to stay in touch, _si_?"

"Sure, I'll keep in touch. Erm…"

"Well, I must be going now, Miss Georgia. I need to start packing. _Ciao_."

"Er, yeah. Bye," I put the phone down.

5 minutes later

I still have my hand on the phone. Masimo phoning me has shocked me the most, but him actually wanting me to stay in contact with him is quite shocking, too. I must ring Jas.

"Hello?"

"JAAAAAAAASSSS!"

"WHOA! Georgia, there's no need to shout, you loon!"

"Sorry! I just heard… The most interesting news…"

"Odd, that. Because Tom just told me some news, too. But you go first."

"Erm, OK. Well, Masimo phone me and-"

"Hold on. THE Masimo phoned you?"

"Jas, how many other Masimos do we know?"

"Good point, well made."

"Anyway, he phoned me, and he said he's moving to America permanently. He wants me to stay in contact, though. Weird! Why would he phone me and tell me that?"

"Well, he has to warn you that he's leaving. Anyway, that would explain my news."

"What's your news?"

"I hear this from the horse's mouth-"

"Tom's a horse?"

"It's a figure of speech, you numpty. Tom's told me that Robbie's rejoining the Stiff Dylans for a bit! Not permanently, though."

"Really?! Crikey, it's all happening!"

"Yup. Anyway, they've announced that they're doing a gig on Saturday night. I'm definitely going."

"Count me in. I'm sure the rest of the Ace Gang will go, too. Oh, did any of the others tell you we're going shopping on Saturday?"

"Nope."

"We were going to go tomorrow, but as you know, Rosie ruined that plan."

"With the window thing."

"Yes. Anyway-"

"GEORGIA WILL YOU GET OFF THAT BLOODY PHONE?!"

"I think you need to go…"

"I think I do. I'll see you tomorrow, Jazzy, my bestest little pally."

"Er, OK. Toodles!"

"Pip pip!"

A few minutes later

The bloody phone is ringing again.

"Hello?"

"You do realise that you officially just have to choose between Robbie and Dave, don't you?" It was Jas.

"Yes, I do know that. Good bye."

"Bye."

6.55 pm

I have gone for a walk. I am down the park… I… Oh, look, there's Dave! Hellooooooo, Dave!! Oh, hang on, I might want to say that out loud.

"Dave!" I shouted to him.

"You alright, Kittykat?!" he shouted back. I waited until we were stood right next to each other before replying.

"Yeah, I'm alrighty, thanks. How be thou?"

"Good, taarrrrr. What brings you down here at this time of the evening?"

"I needed to escape my house, and think about Masimo."

"Why do you need to think about him? He is sooooo last week."

"I know that. He phoned me and told me that he was moving to America for good."

"Oh, did he now…?" Dave said, looking thoughtful and stroking his invisible beard.

"What's that look for?"

"Oh, nothing. Have I told you how fabulous you look tonight?"

"Err… No…?"

"Well, you do. You're looking mighty fine tonight."

"Err, OK?"

"Fancy a snog?"

I cannot believe him!

5 minutes later

My brain said no, but my lips said yes. I'm snogging Dave the bloody Laugh, AGAIN!

It does have to be said, though, that he is a fantastic snogger.

8.00 pm

I am making a list of all the mistakes I've ever made, and then I shall burn the paper I'm writing them down on.

Oddly, the majority of the mistakes on here are "snogging Dave the Laugh".

5 minutes later

I asked Mum and Dad for some matches, but they refused to let me have any, so I'm just going to have to settle with eating the paper.

A minute later

It doesn't taste good.

A minute later

I've thrown it in the bin. Surely that's good enough?

Saturday 6th September

9.30 am

Me and the Ace Gang got up nice and early, and are currently shopping. Yay, lip-gloss! Hmmm, new shoes… Or not?? I might have to get another pair of sparkly shoes. I actually refuse to wear the ones the cats pooped in, even though Mum's disinfected them about a million times.

"Do you know what I think"? Rosie asked and we trundled up the high street, all linked up so no one could go through us.

"Does it involve smashing any windows?" I asked.

"Nope. I think we should all wear matches outfits tonight," Rosie replied.

"But won't that, like, be sort of, you know… Uncool?" Ellen dithered.

"No, it'll be very cool," Rosie said, giving Ellen her cross-eyed look.

"I think that's a good idea, actually," Jas said. Wow, Jas actually agreeing to something Rosie suggested!

"I think it's a good idea, too. Only…" I started.

"Only what?" Rosie asked, turning her cross-eyed look on me.

"Only if it doesn't involve fur," I finished.

"Nah, I won't put you guys through that. I mean, you'll be wearing fur for mine and Sven's wedding, so there's no need to wear fur tonight. I think we should be hip, tonight. We'll wear jeans, high heels, and we'll buy new matching, sexy, tops," Rosie said.

We all breathed a sigh of relief at hearing that we won't have to wear fur tonight. We don't want the gig tonight turning into a wedding rehearsal.

New Look

10.00 am

My Mum kindly gave me some money to buy a new top, and some lip-gloss. But, I have so much lip-gloss at home, that I might just blow it all on the top.

"How about these ones, dudettes?" Rosie asked us, holding up Spongebob t-shirts.

"Not a chance, Ro-Ro," I replied.

Rosie giggled.

"I was only joking."

Still in New Look

10.15 am

We are having great difficulty trying to find the perfect tops. Well, Jas spotted some good ones, but they didn't have them in our sizes, which was a bit naff.

"How about these?" Jools asked, holding up lilac tops.

The top was full-lilac material, that you couldn't see through, and just under where our nungas would be, was a floaty, lilac, see-through material. They were bloody gorgeous.

"They have them in different colours, too," Jools said, holding up some more.

A few minutes later

We've all agreed to the tops. I'm wearing a pink one, Rosie's going for the green one, Ellen's going for the lilac, Jas is going for the blue, Mabs is going for white, and Jools is having the yellow one. We've all just walked out of the changing rooms, and we look as sexy as Hell.

Walking up the High Street

10.30 am

Rosie is insisting that we go to the costume shop.

"Ro-Ro, we told you that we are not having any of this fur business tonight," I said to her as we got ready to cross the road.

"It's not for tonight. It's for my wedding dress," Rosie replied.

"You're not getting married, though," Jools pointed out.

"I am. Just not yet," Rosie said.

"Yeah, but why do you need the fur now?" I asked as we started looking left and right.

"Well, it's never too early to start making your wedding dress," Rosie replied as we stepped out into the road.

Just as we were crossing, we heard a car speeding towards us, quite literally picking up speed. We just about jumped out of the way, and saw who was in it. Lindsay. The whole street is shaking their fists at her.

"Who the Hell let her have a license?" Rosie asked, frowning.

"Nooo, idea," I replied.

Home

6.00 pm

Oooooh Goddy God. I am running sooooooo late. I'm meeting the gang at the Clock Tower at 7, and I've yet to get dressed and do my hair! I may have to ask for Mum's help. There's no way I'm going to be able to straighten my hair on my own within the next hour. It takes me at least three.

6.45 pm

Mum straightened my hair for me. Even though I don't tell her very often, I do appreciate her help. Right, I'm dressed, hair is done… I might make my way to the clock tower early. I can't stand waiting around.

Clock Tower

7.01 pm

The whole gang's here, except Rosie… Oh, wait. I lie. She's just walking up now. With Sven. Who is wearing his light-up trousers. And Rosie's beard. I do fear for their sanity.

"You're late," I said to Rosie as she neared us.

"I know I am. I planned it that way," She replied.

"Of course you did."

7.30 am

The club is absolutely packed, already! The Dylans are up on stage, minus Robbie, I notice, obvious preparing their instruments.

"I want to pluck their guitars," Rosie shouted to me over the loud music playing.

"Oo-er!" I shouted back, and we erupted into fits of giggles.

8.00 pm

The whole club is now rammed around the stage. The music's been turned off, and we're just waiting for the Dylans to come back on stage. And come back on stage, they did.

"Hey guys!" Dom said into the microphone, as the others got ready.

Robbie still hadn't come out. He hasn't gotten stage fright has he?

"You ready to rock?" Dom asked, and the whole crowd shouted 'yes!'. "Well, as you guys might know, Masimo's moved to America permanently, so we needed yet another new singer. So who better to do the job than our old one? Please welcome back, ROBBIE!"

That's when Robbie walked out onto stage, and said hello to everyone. Cor, blimey, he looked fit. I could see Lindsay at the side of the stage, staring up at Robbie as though she was afraid to let him out of her sight. He can't have dumped her yet, then.

5 minutes later

They've started off by playing one of their older, pre-Masimo songs, 'Ultraviolet'. I absolutely love this song. Must be my favourite. Lindsay's dancing about like a twat, and still isn't taking her eyes off of Robbie.

5 minutes later

I've just noticed that Dave the Laugh isn't here. I've only noticed, because Tom, Rollo and everyone are here, but Dave isn't. That's weird, he loves the chance to party.

Home

In Bed

Rubbish Night

Roughly About 1.00 am

Remind me never to go to a Stiff Dylans gig ever again.

* * *

A/N: Ooooh, dear, so what's the matter with Georgia? Why doesn't she want to go to another Dylans gig? You'll find out in the next chapter -tongue poke here-

I used a song from the Georgia Nicolson film, as the ones in the book are more depressing, and 'Ultraviolet' is an actual fab song.

The next chapter might not be up as quick, because I need to finish off my other fanfiction, 'Confessions', before I go any further with this one. Don't worry, there's only one more chapter to 'Confessions'. Thinking about it… There's only 2 more chapters to this story -o face here-

Hope you enjoyed! Review?

Extra A/N: I tried to upload this yesterday (Fri 08/08/08), but I got so far as submitting the actual document, and then just as I tried to edit it, and submit it as a chapter fully, my internet went and died on me. So this update would've been earlier!


	6. Chapter 5

**Chapter 5**

**I'm Wearing A Woollen Dress, And I've Got To Like It!**

Sunday 7th September

Raining.

As Lonely As A Clud

10.00 am

Last night's gig was utter PANTS. Pants, pants, pants, PANTS. I will never be going to another party or gig for as long as I live. For last night was utter bollocks. I've never had so much unfun in my life!

5 minutes later

Do you want to know why last night's gig was rubbish?

Of course you do.

Well, Dave never turned up, so the night was bound to be one big unlaugh. And it got worse. Robbie bought me a drink halfway through the Dylans' set, and said he would walk me home at the end of the night.

But, by the end of the night, Lindsay had slimed her way up to him, and was attached to him like a leech. So much for Robbie telling Lindsay he didn't want to be with her. The rest of the gang went off with their boyfriends, and I was left to walk home by my onesy, like a complete twat.

5 minutes later

It was so unfun, that my life might just be over.

A minute later

I told Mum of the rubbishness that was last night when I got up this morning. She told me to stop being silly and immature. Which I find quite rude.

2.15 pm

Mr and Mrs Down-The-Road have infiltrated our living room, accusing us of all sorts of things that we clearly haven't done.

Oh, all right. They've just come to tell us that their precious kittykat, Daisy, is pregnant. And it's our Gordy's fault. Of course it is.

It is, actually.

2.25 pm

Mr and Mrs Down-The-Road came to the conclusion that it was Gordy's fault that Daisy got pregnant, because he is the only male cat to have gone near her. I'm surprised that Angus didn't try his luck with her.

So, Angus' family becomes larger… Oh my God, he'll soon become a Granddaddy! He'll be like my Granddad. Completely bonkers.

2.30 pm

Mr and Mrs Down-The-Road have gone back, err, down the road, to return to their beloved cat, who, they say, will have missed them like crazy because she can't stand being alone.

No wonder she got it on with Gordy, then.

7.35 pm

I am sat, with my family, in the living room. We are watching Coronation Street. That is how tragic my life has become since last night. Save me.

"Family, I have a question to ask," Vati said, pretending to smoke one of his cigars.

"Oh, God, no," I said.

"Don't be rude, Georgia. What would you say to moving up to Scotland?" Vati asked.

"Oh, God, no, some more," I replied.

Mum just 'hmmed', and Libby didn't say anything. She was too busy watching Kirk on Coronation Street buying some chips.

"Well, it's just an idea. It's not like we'd actually move up there if no one wanted to. I just thought that it might be nice if all of us, Uncle Eddie, Granddad, Maisie and James moved up to Scotland, where we could be one big happy family," Vati said.

"You are quite insane, Father. There is no way in Hell that I would move up to Scotland with you. Which brings me to the point that I wouldn't move up to Scotland even more with Uncle Eddie and the rest of the Loon Crew. All they have up there is haggis, and Jock McThick's on bikes," I said.

"They have nature," Mum contributed.

"And how does that make up for the lack of technology and lack of parties?" I asked. "You don't even want to go, either."

"I never said I didn't, and I never said I did," Mum replied.

"Well, I guess that answers my question. We won't move to Scotland," Vati said, returning his gaze to the T.V. again.

1 minute later

It amazes me that Vati would even suggest such a stupid idea.

Monday 8th September

Detention

4.15 pm

Guess who kindly put me in detention?

Jas.

I was making jokes about Slim's weight (again) to the Ace Gang, and Jas was with us (obviously). It's hard to remember that she's now a prefect. Anyway, Jas said she would've let me get away with it, if Slim and Hawkeye hadn't been standing right next to us.

How was I supposed to know that they were just lurking around the corner?! The same corner we happened to be lurking around, just on the other side?! Rosie did make a point, though. It's amazing that I could've missed Slim, considering her size.

So, yes. Jas put me in after-school detention. I am going around the school grounds, litter-picking. I guess the only good thing about it, is that Rosie is with me, because she's serving the last of her three detentions.

"It was very rude of Jas to put you in detention," Ro-Ro said.

"Yeah, I know. But she is a prefect," I replied.

"But, you were being very rude about Slim's weight. Again."

"I don't always take the Mickey out of Slim's weight. Unlike you, who takes the Mickey out of her 24/7. You even phone me up just to tell me a joke you thought of about Slim."

"Yeah, well, she is an easy target."

"With her blubber, she's bound to be."

And how we laughed like loons about yet another Slim joke.

Home

5.30 pm

Oh, God. Granddad, Maisie and Uncle Eddie have made themselves at home in our lounge. Maisie appears to be knitting a dress. A woollen dress…? Attractive…

"Hello, Grandfather, Grandfather's fiancée, and Baldy-O-Gram. What brings you to our humble home?" I asked them as I walked through the door.

"Granddad said he has something to tell us, so we all decided to have a get-together here. It's easier, and has a lot of wine," Uncle Eddie winked.

"Go on then, Granddad, tell us what your big news is," I said to granddad, who didn't look as though he was listening. But he was.

"Well, as you know, me and Maisie are engaged," he began.

We all nodded.

"Well, we decided that we're going to have the wedding sooner rather than later. On Saturday," Granddad continued.

We all looked at each other.

"You mean, this Saturday?" I asked.

"Yup," Granddad replied.

"Good on you!" Uncle Eddie exclaimed, clapping Granddad on the back.

"Don't worry, Georgia, I've invited all your little friends, and Libby's, too!" Granddad said.

He's invited my friends… My normal-ish friends… Have been invited to an elderly loon's wedding… Oh my God. And as for Libby's friends, I just have one question to ask… What friends?

"Granddad, how is Maisie going to have time to find a dress to wear?" I asked.

"She's knitting her dress right now. And she wants you, your Mum, and Libby to be bridesmaids. Your dresses have already been knitted," Granddad replied.

"Can't she talk for herself?" Vati laughed.

"She's knitting, and knitting takes a lot of concentration. So she doesn't speak," Granddad explained, pointing to his wife-to-be.

I walked out and went to my room. I couldn't take any more of this utter madness.

5.45 pm

They have invited my "little" friends. We have to wear woollen dresses. The wedding is on Saturday.

Well, scrub my face with a Brillo pad!

I do wonder, can my life get any madder than it already is?

Wednesday 10th September

Lunch

12.30 pm

Here we are, the good old Ace Gang, relaxing and sunbathing in the beginning of the Autumn sun, on the school fields.

Or, we would, if Elvis would stop tell us to move.

"Gee, Jas told me something really important earlier. She wanted to tell you today, but her prefect duties have been amped up, because of all the practical jokes people seem to be playing. So she's asked me to tell you," Jools said, as we found another patch of grass to sit down on.

"Can I wear my beard for this important news?" Rosie asked, with all seriousness. We looked at her.

"You can wear your beard if you so wish," I told her. "Now, Jools, what is this important information Jas wants you to tell me?"

"Well, it's about Robbie."

I was quite literally all ears. But not in a Lindsay way.

"What about Robbie?"

Rosie stroked her beard.

"Well, Robbie told Tom who told Jas who told me to tell you, that Robbie has finally ditched Wet Lindsay!"

I could quite literally dance with joy.

"I could dance with joy! But I won't. He deserves so much better than her. I hope she hasn't been crying, or gotten depressed, or thrown herself off the pier. That would be quite tragic."

"Georgia, you are all heart," Rosie said, patting my shoulder. "Now, about your Granddad's wedding…"

"Please, let's not discuss that madness…" I put my head in my hands. My Granddad's wedding was giving me a headache.

"Well, we need to decide what to wear," Rosie said.

"Well, I've been told what I'm wearing. I'm wearing a woollen dress, and I've got to like it!"

They all looked at me.

"Are you being serious?" Mabs asked.

"Yup," I replied.

"If you're wearing a woollen dress, then can I wear my beard?"

"Rosie, you can wear that bloody beard and your fur if you want to!"

Walking home with Jas

4.00 pm

Do you know what? I haven't actually seen Dave the Laugh for ages. I hope he hasn't been vaporised, or abducted by aliens… I will not let those odd images into my head!

"Have you seen Dave the Laugh recently?" I asked Jas.

"Nope," she replied. Thank you, bestest pal. You are such a help.

5 minutes later

We just saw a very upset-looking Lindsay, in her car. And we only saw her, because she tried to run us over, AGAIN!

I will put in a complaint about wet people and their dangerous driving…

* * *

A/N: Meh. I'm not too happy with this chapter, but I don't have the energy to add bits here and there.

The next chapter will start on the Saturday, and will be dedicated to Granddad's and Maisie's wedding :)

Sorry this chapter was shorter than the rest. The next (and last) chapter might turn out to be short, too :(

Do I deserve a review for this?


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter 6**

**I Was Riding The Whales In Wales**

Saturday 13th September

7.00 am

It's tooooooo early! Unfortunately, I have to be up this early, getting ready, because Granddad and Maisie booked the wedding in for 10.30 this morning. Why they want it in the morning, I don't know.

5 minutes later

Also, at the moment, it is very sunny. Meaning I'm going to be roasting in that bloody woollen dress.

A minute later

Did I mention that my woollen dress is pink?

Libby's is yellow.

7.15 am

Mutti is downstairs doing Maisie's 'hair'. I don't know what you could possibly do to it, as she has the very short cut that all the elderly women love. Also, why is my Mother doing her hair? As far as I know, Mutti does not have any hairdressing skills whatsoever. So Maisie may go to this wedding looking bald.

7.30 am

I have decided to just lounge around for a while, and watch everyone else 'get ready'. Libby is trying to force the cats into dresses. They are not having it.

"Libby, I don't think the cats want to wear dresses. They've cross-dressed far too much, don't you think you've scarred them enough?" I don't know why I'm trying to reason with her. She doesn't listen.

"No, bad boy. Cats need to wear dresses to look pretty."

"But Libby, the cats don't want to wear dresses. Why don't you put bowties on them or something? Make them look more manly?"

"OK, bad boy. But Gordy has to wear straw hat."

Poor Gordy.

8.00 am

I must've dropped off for a little zizz somehow, because I just got rudely shaken awake by Mutti.

"Georgia, we have so much to do, and you just fall asleep?!"

"Mother, we got up at a stupid time this morning, I need to catch a few extra z's."

"Well, catch them after the wedding. You have to go and get ready. Now!"

Crikey, what's got her goat?

5 minutes later

Phoned Jas.

"Yeah…?"

Sounds like she's only just gotten up. If that's the case, why don't her parents answer the phone?

"Jas, are you up?"

"Obviously."

"You sound_ tres_ tired. You just gotten up?"

"Yuppers. I'm exhausted. Tom kept me up all night showing me his-"

"WHOA! Stop that sentence right there! I don't want to know what Tom was showing you!"

"- His new digital camera, you plonker. He's really excited about it. We're going to take some photos today."

"Oh, OK. I thought it was going to be something rude."

"Why would you think that?"

"It's just the way you said the sentence… Anyway, you must hurry and get ready soon. The wedding is only in…Two hours and twenty-five minutes."

"Shouldn't you be getting ready more than me?"

"Yes, but that isn't the point. I now have to go and phone Rosie. To try and get her out of bed."

"Good luck. Oh, did you know that your Granddad invited Tom, Sven, Dave the Laugh, Rollo, Edward and Declan?"

"He hasn't?!"

"He has. Anyway, I'll see you later."

"Okie dokie."

A minute later

Not only has Granddad invited my mad friends… He's also invited their mad boyfriends. And Dave the Laugh. Who I still haven't seen for ages. Where is he?!

8.34 am

I have managed to do the majority of my make-up in record time. Only because Mutti keeps insisting on doing my hair soon. She's currently trying to do Libby's… But Libby keeps giggling and moving around, so it may take a while. Good… It means I can relax…

A minute later

Phone rang

Or not.

"Hello, mad house for the elderly mad who will be getting married in less than two hours, Georgia speaking."

"Kittykat!"

"Dave!"

"How be thou?"

"One is good, thanks. Er, how are you?"

"Fabbity fab, tar. What are you wearing to the wedding?"

I looked at the dress Maisie had knitted me.

"Do you really want the answer to that?"

"Yes."

"I am wearing a lovely pink woollen dress, knitted by Maisie."

"…"

"Dave?"

"Are you being serious?"

"Unfortunately so. Libby's got to wear a yellow one. Mutti's is multicoloured."

"AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAAAAAA!"

"Oh, yes. You just go on ahead and laugh. See if I care."

"Sorry, but that just brought tears to my eyes. I can't wait to see you all in your woolly dresses. In the sun. And heat. I'll make sure I get lots of photos."

"Shut up, Dave. I just know that I'm never going to be able to live this day down. Anyway, where the Hell have you been? You've been gone for aaaages, and no one's seen you, obviously, because you've been gone, and you didn't even phone me!"

"Chill out, Kittykat. I was riding the whales in Wales."

"You were WHAT?"

"I don't mean that in the dirty sense, either. Honestly, my family took me on holiday to Wales for a bit, a we were riding some friendly whales."

"GEORGIA, WILL YOU GET OFF THAT BLOODY PHONE, AND COME AND HAVE YOUR HAIR DONE!"

"Do you need to go, Kittykat?"

"Er, yes. I need to go and have my hair done by my Mother who actually knows nothing about hairdressing. I am going to be bald, and wearing a pink woolly dress for this wedding… How attractive will that be?"

"Well, I'll still like you Kittykat. With all your baldness and woolly dress-ness. S'later!"

9.00 am

I have had my hair done. I Mutti to tie it up, and then leave two little bits dangling at the side of my face, and then Mutti's curled those two bits. It looks quite nice, actually, considering she isn't a hairdresser.

5 minutes later

The phone is ringing AGAIN!

"Hello, I would think of something funny to say, but I can't right now. This is Georgia speaking."

"GEORGIA!" Rosie's voice shouted at me from down the phone.

"Yes… That's me… No need to shout, y'know. I'm not deaf."

"Oh, OK. I've only just gotten out of bed."

"… Good for you. Oh, crud! I meant to phone you, but I forgot."

"Yes. I'm running late."

"Well, what's the point of phoning me to tell me you're running late? You're just making yourself even later by phoning me to tell me you're running late."

"You make a good point. Bye!"

She is actually insane.

5 minutes later

The phone is ringing. This is bloody ridiculous! How am I supposed to get anything done if the phone keeps ringing. If it's Rosie, Jas or Ellen, I will kill them.

"Hello, you people keep interrupting my very busy schedule this morning by phoning every five bloody minutes, Georgia speaking."

"Haven't I told you before not to swear!"

Oh great. It was Vati, phoning from the home for elderly mad number 2. Where Granddad was getting ready.

"Lovely to hear from you, too, Vati. What do you want?"

"To talk to your Mother."

"She's busy."

"I need to talk to her."

"What about?"

"Georgia, just give the bloody phone to your Mother, now."

"Oh, and you have a go at me for swearing?!"

"Georgia!"

"Oh, all right…"

I walked into the lounge where Mutti was now trying to put some flowers in Libby's hair. She was failing.

"Mother, there is a madman on the phone, who just told me off for swearing, and then swore himself. He may have a beard, and he may claim to be my Father. He wants to talk to you."

I am _vair amusant_.

The Wedding. Well, Almost

10.30 am

The bride is being driven round and round the block, because Granddad apparently spilled red wine down his white shirt, and therefore needs to find another one, and is going to be late. That's what Vati phoned up about.

Me and Libby have been dumped outside the church, whilst Mutti is staying with Maisie in the car… Going round and round. We also have the cats with us, as Libby insisted that they have to come to the wedding, too.

So, here we are, me, Libby, Angus, Gordy and the Ace Gang… All stood outside the church, waiting for Granddad to arrive, so we can tell Mutti when he's actually here.

Rosie is actually wearing her beard. I didn't expect her to ACTUALLY wear it, but she is. All the boys (including Dave the Laugh!) are pratting around inside the church, trying to direct people where to sit. I don't think they're supposed to be telling people where to sit, but they are. They're doing something stupid, I can tell.

10.35 am

The vicar just came out to say that if they're more than 15 minutes late, he'll have to cancel. Why?! His next appointment isn't until twelve, and this ceremony won't take long. Hopefully.

10.40 am

Granddad and Vati have turned up. Granddad is wearing a pink shirt. And I don't mean pale/baby pink. I mean fluorescent pink. Why can't my family be normal?!

"Er, Granddad, you are aware that is a bright pink shirt you're wearing?" I said to him as he and Dad got out of the car.

"Yep. It's the only other clean one of mine I could find," he said happily, and skipped off into the church with Vati in tow.

"Why does he have a bright pink shirt in the first place?" Jas asked.

I shrugged. I honestly don't know the answer to that question, or want to know, for that matter.

2 minutes later

The Ace Gang have gone in, and have tied the cats' leads to the front pews. The cats will still find a way to get free… Now me and Libby are left outside, waiting for Mutti and Maisie.

A minute later

The driver of Maisie's car was about to drive round again, so I had to jump in the road and shout, "STOP!" Seriously, I'm risking my own health for Granddad's happiness.

"Have they got here, then?" Mum asked.

"Well, obviously. Otherwise there'd be more people standing outside scratching their heads in confusion. Oh, Dave the Laugh and co. have been telling people where to sit…"

"OK. Maisie, come on, you have to get married now."

Maisie got out of the car. Even though I saw her this morning, her dress still shocks me. It's white, but she's even knitted flowers onto it (and I thought it was the men who had to wear flowers?!), and she has a knitted veil. I'm surprised she can even see where she's going. In fact, it looks a bit like she's wearing a Burka.

In the church

A minute later

The wedding music is playing, and- oh my God. Now I see what Dave the Laugh and co. have done. They've colour co-ordinated everyone. Like, everyone who's wearing yellow are sat together, everyone who's wearing pink are sat together, and so on. It's… Mad.

11.00 am

I've only just noticed, but… The cats really are wearing bowties, and Gordy really is wearing a straw hat. I worry about Libby's sanity. I can also see the vicar glancing at Rosie's beard. He's just jealous, I'm sure.

11.15 am

The vicar is cross-eyed. I am not joking.

"Do you, Maisie blah, blah…"

Maisie blah, blah? Surely that's not her name.

"… Take this man, Georgia's grandfather…"

I think I've inhaled fumes or something, or my brain is just wandering off into madland.

"… To be your lawfully-ish wedded husband?"

Lawfully-ish?

"I suppose so."

What sort of answer is that?!

A minute later

The vows are done, the 'I do's' (or 'I suppose so's') are done, and the rings have been exchanged. Now we are being tortured by having to watch two very old people snogging.

2 minutes later

… They are still snogging…

A minute later

… Still- oh no, wait! They've had to stop because Granddad's false teeth have fallen out. Hahahahahahahahahaaaaa.

Outside doing photos and stuff

11.30 am

The vicar insisted that he should be in one of the photos. It happened to be that he wanted to be in the photo of me and the Ace Gang. He stood next to Rosie. And stared at her beard the entire time.

"I think he luuuurves you," I whispered to Rosie.

"Yes, but I have a very mad Swedish bloke over there whom I luuuuurve. I'm not running off with any vicar. Even if he does love me and my beard."

"So Sven's from Sweden, now?"

"I don't know where Sven is from. Nor do I care. All that matters is that he's mad."

"You can say that again."

11.35 am

I've just discovered Jas sobbing her little heart out to Tom.

"What's the matter with her?" I asked Tom. I would've asked Jas, but I don't think she was even aware I was stood next to her.

"Weddings make her a bit weepy," Tom replied.

A bit weepy? She's spouting more water than a fountain!

5 minutes later

The photographer hasn't ran out of film yet, surprisingly. He's taken A LOAD of pictures. I have just had to have my photo taken with Libby and the cats. The cats seem quite happy, oddly enough.

A minute later

Robbie's just come up to me. How long's he been here? Was he invited to the wedding?

"Hey," he said.

"Howdy. How long have you been here?"

"Not too long. I only came to talk to you for a minute."

"Oh, OK. I heard you broke up with Lindsay?"

"Yeah, about that…"

"Hold on… I think it'll be best if we just stay friends," I said. What was I saying?! Robbie was a Sex God!

Robbie laughed.

"Funny, I was about to say the same thing."

"Huh? You were?"

He looked kind of sad, now.

"Yeah, you see… I'm moving to New Zealand. Permanently."

"Seriously? You'd choose wombats and sheep over good old crappy England?"

Robbie laughed again.

"Yeah, I am choosing the wombats and sheep over England. I've got great opportunities over there…"

"Like what?"

"You know… Stuff…"

"You're being really secretive, Robbie."

"I know. But I'm sure you'll find out all about it, soon. Anyway, I have to go Georgia. I need to finish packing. See you soon."

A minute later

Robbie just totally left!

A minute later

Found Jas and Rosie. The others had gone off to snog. Tom and Sven have also wandered off somewhere. Jas has finally stopped crying, but Rosie is still wearing her beard.

"That vicar is still watching you," I said to Rosie, and we all glanced over at the vicar, who was stood at the door of the church, just staring at Ro-Ro.

"I know. It's because my beard is irresistible," Rosie replied, stroking said beard.

"Anyway, I have something to tell you," I said.

"What is it?" Jas asked.

"You remember I had to choose between Robbie and Dave the Laugh?"

Jas nodded, and Rosie just looked blank.

"Well, I just saw Robbie and told him that I just wanted to be friends with him. It turns out he was going to say the same. Not that he just wanted to be friends with himself, but just wanted to be friends with me. Anyway, he also told me that he was moving to Kiwi-a-gogo. So therefore, I have made my choice."

"You want Dave the Laugh?" Jas said.

"Yup."

"You want his babies?" Rosie asked.

"Let's not go that far," I replied.

"So when does Robbie move to Kiwi-a-gogo?" Jas asked.

"I don't know. He just went back to his house to finish packing. So probably fairly soon."

"You need to go and find your man, and tell him he's your man. Then I'll find my man, who is probably with Jas' man, and we'll just leave everyone else with their men, because I can't be bothered to find them," Rosie said.

Me and Jas just looked at her.

But she did make a valid point. I had to go and tell my 'man' that he was my 'man'.

5 minutes later

Finally found Dave. He was sunbathing. Under a tree…?

"Dave!"

"Kittykat! What can I be doing for you?"

"Get up, you big lump. I need a hug."

"What for?"

"Do you want a hug or not?"

Dave got up from sunbathing under his tree, and looked at me. I hugged him. Tight. And refused to let go.

"Whoa, Kittykat, what's this hug in aid of?"

"Can I have a snog?"

"You're pushing it. A hug AND a snog?"

"Please?"

"OK."

Hahahaha, it doesn't take much to persuade him.

A few minutes later

Few, this snog has just reminded me how much I love snogging Dave. He is _vair_ good at it. I can see Rosie and Jas peeking at us from behind a nearby tree. Nosey buggers.

"So, why did you want a hug and a snog?" Dave asked.

"Because, I finally realised how much I like you." Christ, I was blushing like a tomato.

"Finally? It's only taken you, what? 3 years?"

"Yeah, shut up, then. Do you want to finally be my boyfriend or not?"

"I suppose I could do that."

"Good."

That's when Jas and Rosie (and Sven and Tom, who had been hiding very well) jumped out from behind their tree, and started cheering. Dave looked bewildered.

"What the?"

"Sven and I have something to say!" Rosie shouted at me, Jas, Dave and Tom.

"If it's something stupid, forget it," Jas said.

"It's not stupid. All this wedding stuff has been making me think."

"Oh, God," I muttered.

"Why don't we all have a joint wedding?! Me, Sven, Gee, Dave, Jas and Tom?!"

"NO!" everyone else (bar Sven) shouted at her.

"Sorry, Rosie, but I want my wedding to be normal," I said.

Dave caught my eye and raised his eyebrows.

"Well, normal-ish. With no fur," I corrected myself.

"Same here," Jas agreed.

Rosie looked sad.

"Will you at least attend our wedding, and throw us up in the air?"

"Is that what they do at Viking weddings?" Dave asked.

"I don't know. It is now," Rosie grinned.

"You are quite officially insane. Of course we'll throw you around!" I said.

Rosie's face almost split into two. She was actually grinning that widely.

12.01 pm

We've gone to the front of the church to wave off Maisie and Granddad, who are going to the place where their party-like thing is being held.

Is it normal for newlyweds to be taken off in a JCB dump truck? No? It must be my family, then…

"Can we get driven off in a JCB truck?" Dave asked me.

"No," I replied sternly. "I don't want any of this utter madness happening at my wedding."

"Ooooh, boo," Dave said, pretending to be sad.

I gave him a quick trip to number 6 on the snogging scale, and we started running after all the guests, who were chasing the vicar, who was chasing Sven who was holding Rosie who was still wearing her beard.

The people for the next wedding are not amused that we've stole their vicar.

* * *

A/N: Aaaaand, it's finished! I think I might stick to oneshots if I write any more Georgia Nicolson fics. This one took far too much energy.

And everyone loves a good Dave/Georgia fic, right? I like Dave/Georgia, anyway. It might've been predictable, but I really wanted to write a Dave/Georgia fic XD

I might write one about Rosie's beard… Or in the life of Angus… That really would be mad.

"I am botty-grooming Naomi."

"Right, that's it. The prat poodles are getting beaten up tonight."

… LOL. Thanks for reviewing, reviewers!


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